Old year-New year

The new year is coming now. At the end of every year, I like to review - what I have done in the passing year - good or bad, what/how should I improve and what I like to do in the coming year.

After thinking for a while, it seems that this year (2007) is quite a good year for me. Most things happening are good especially I have done a lot of Buddhist activities both worldly and mental works. On the one hand, I helped the uni (MahachulalongkornRajavidyalaya Uni -www.mcu.ac.th) for the Buddhist conference where I met a nice monk who has taught me a lot of lessons. I helped my meditation master to do a powerpoint file for his class. I have helped another master to translate and edit his meditation books. I also donated some stuffs and money to the needed temples. On the other hand, I have been to a lot of retreats at a few places where I have met a lot of great people there. We still contact each other after leaving the temple. In addition, I know more meditation masters whom I have learned a lot from his CDs and his personal teachings (Ven.Jayasaro, Ven.Promote Pamotecho and Ajahn Narongsak Natneam). I am so pround of everything I have done.

The bad thing (that I always feel bad about it) is I disturbed one of my friends too much til he has gone from my life. But it's ok anyway.

What I have found from this incredible year is every present moment of our life can determine/influence the future considerably. Everyone must say 'oh yeah I know that well'. But for me, it shows that nothing happens without a reason. Everything got their own causes- sometime we know, sometime not. The best we can do is do the best for the present time.

For the coming year, i intend to develop my meditation and mindfulness more than this year. I am still restless sometime as I think too much. I also intend to do some more tranlating Buddhist works for foreigners who are interested in Buddhism. I want to see if i can mix two ways of Theravadin practice and Mahayana Bodistava path or not.

Hope that the new year is great for every being. May they(and I) be free from sufferings.

Smiling

Actually I intend to write about my retreat at Wat Pa Nanachat, but what happened this morning changes my mind.

This morning the traffic was a bit bad and (at that time) I thought that if I am still on the bus, I will get to work late. So I decided to get off a bus and pay for a motorcycle driver to drive me to my office. Before arriving, we needed to stop at the traffic light. At that time, there was a man walking around to sell a garland to drivers at the conjunction. It's so common for me to see a thing like this. But I noticed that this man has only one leg. The other leg is gone and he uses a plastic leg instead. Suddenly I called him and told him that I want to buy his garland, which is not very fresh- which also means he hasnt sold very much.

When I gave money to him, he said 'Thank You'. I then smiled to him as I always smile. But it's a bit wider cos I was happy that I can help him. When he saw my smile, which always has been praised that it's nice :P, he widely smiled back to me too.

Finally I arrived work too late and I was marked as 'late' again. But his smile has brightened my day - it really touched my heart as it shows his appreciation for me. I dont remember his face anymore, but I can remember the happy feeling arising at that time. Though I always remind myself that happy feeling (Sukhavedana) never last forever, but I still (and always) like this kind of feeling - happy to see other's happiness.

When your mind is practiced and cultivated by meditation, Metta (compassion) and Karuna will follow automatically. You dont need to particularly develop only Metta and Karuna as that might lead you to another kind of "Atta" as you will feel and think that you are a compassionate and kind person which might be right or wrong - depending on the situation.

So? Be mindful and be good :) Happiness will always be with you!

Photo from : http://www.biblepicturegallery.com/free/Pics/B_Face2.gif

My Fourth time retreat at Wat Pa Nanachart

In the evening of this Friday, I will have a retreat at Wat Pananachart (http://www.watpananachat.org/). I intend to stay there for 4-5 days, depending on my work left.

Many people including my mom and my sister asked me that why do I like to go there as it's very far from Bangkok. It also costs me some money and time -it takes 8 hours to stay on the bus with more than 500 Bath for the busfare. I cant really tell them exactly why - I just know that I like the place a lot.

Ven.Promotre Pamotcho (http://www.wimutti.net/) said that each person has diffedrent personality which is suitable with different ways of meditation and even with different kinds of place. Some like walking meditation, while some prefer sitting. Some likes to contemplate Adubha (the decay of the death), but some loves to consider Vedana (feeling) or the movement of Citta (mind). For the place, some might enjoy meditating in a small stuff place. Some might love to stay in a forest (like me). Therefore, we should observe ourselves which kind of place we like and which meditative method is suitable for us. Then we can progress our meditation practice a lot.

I really wish myself to advance my meditation in this retreat.

I really wish you to get some time for yourself to meditate at least 5-10 minutes a day to calm your mind and wake up from our busy environment.

Best wishes

Kai

Loneliness

This kind of feeling has happened with me sometime, though it is much less than before and though I have a lot of people around.

I have listened to a lot of Dhamma talks particularly of Ven.Jayasaro, Ven.Ajahn Brahm and Ven.Pramote. All of then said the same thing that when you are mindful with the prfesent and content with yourself, you will never feel lonely, though you are alone. I agree with them most of the time. But sometime I feel so tired of the life journey. There are so many things I have to do: work from office, from the uni, for the future study, for the charity and most importantly for money. I try to be mindful of the present and be disciplined for all the work I have planned to do. But it seems it's even bring much more tenseness as I can't finish it as I intend.

However, the good point about being mindful, though i am still lonely is, I can see the rising and falling of that feeling. It's so terrible at first, i realize. The world is so empty and boring. But for a while, the feeling has changed according to a new mental object. I can see that our mind works and thinks all the time. We can never control that as it is non-self (Anatta). It can never stay very long as it is impermanent (Anicca). When I see and realize this, I feel like I shouldn't take this kind of feeling seriously as it's not real and it's not mine. I just follow and check how do I feel each moment. And finally, what is called 'loneliness' is only something that comes to say 'hello' to me sometime when there are causes, and then it's gone when those causes are not there.

I am now mindful and peaceful again. The loneliness might come back anytime as it's one kind of feeling (Vedana). However, I think it wont disturb me very much as long as my mindfulness is still with me.

Though the life journey is still very long and I still don't know what I gonna meet in the future, but I am sure that I can pass through it.

Hope all of you are always peaceful and happy with every moment in a daily life.

Source of picture is http://www.pbase.com/mardoli/image/73288988

My happy hour

This day I am quite busy (actually I am always busy from a lot of things). The silly thing is the time I promiss someone to do somethinng is the time (I THINK) that I am free enough. But things always change, including my schedule. I have a lot of unexpected work coming around. Consequently i can't manage to finish any work on time.

Anyway it's not what i want to complain today. Life is always like this. And I get used to this kind of life already. So - No worries. I am just tired sometime. That's all.

My schedule in this time is I do the Buddhist translation at the lunch time and do my reading (both English grammar and thesis) at night. I just started the translation work yesterday. It's the meditation book and Dhamma teachings written by the meditation master (Ajahn Narongsak Natneum). The translating version will be given to foreigners who come to ask for his advices.

I have found that it's quite hard to translate this kind of book as it's from the talk. The speaking language is much different from writting language. (I just understand 'Loung Nong' more when I have to do this). I have to understand what he said first and then adjust it. I can't translate it literally as no one will understand that. Overall i spent an hour to translate 2 pages.

However, the feeling of doing this work is quite different from other time and other work (that I get bored and tired). I observed that I had been happy all the time I did it. The happiness had continued until the evening. And everytime I think about this work and what I gonna do next, I am still very happy. The happiness is always at heart. My sister calls it "Piti' or the joy at heart.

What I intend to say is happiness from doing something good is more pleasant, last longer and more heart-fulfilled than the worldly happiness. I already forget how did I feel when I passed the test, when I get the scholarship or when someone said that I am pretty (it happens sometime! :P). But the happiness from giving, helping, meditating can be realized and felt everytime I think of it.

This time i am waiting for my lunch hour as it's my happy time to do the translating work and enjoy my happiness from giving Dhamma knowledge. I realize that happiness is very impermanent, but enjoying it sometime is not too bad as we still have to live a busy lay's life like this.

Hope you are happy both from Dhamma and worldly things.

Best wishes

I like this poem.

Hi there
> This poem was nominated by UN as the best > poem of 2006, Written by an African Kid.
When I born, I black
When I grow up, I black
When I go in Sun, I black
When I scared, I black
When I sick, I black
And when I die, I still black
> > And you white fellow
> > When you born, you pink
> > When you grow up, you white
> > When you go in sun, you red
> > When you cold, you blue
> > When you scared, you yellow
> > When you sick, you green
> > And when you die, you grey
> > And you calling me colored??

I got this poem from the mail forwarded to me. I like it a lot as it's very true.
It seems people, not only Thai always look for things to look down on. I can't say that I never do it. But the older I am, the broader my view is, so the less I look down on other people. I always think that why do people like to look down on others or look for other people's faults or mistake? I have found that the answer of this question is it's because of our 'Atta' or the feeling that of 'i' or 'me'. WHy is that? When this thought exists simautaneously with some defilements and cravings, the kind of thought that 'I am better' will normally follow. Something that is 'better' needs to have measurement. And the worldly meansurements are 'success', 'wealth', 'education', 'love'. But sometime waiting for the success and all these things to say that 'I am better' might take a long time as there are always other people better than us. There is no certain point actually. Therefore, the shortcut is to say or look for the weakness of others to say that 'I am better' (as you are worse).

In my opinion, this kind of thought will always bring suffering both mental and physical. You can never be happy with yourself as you compare yourself with others all the time. You tie your happiness and value with other people who are very impermanent and subject to change. How can stable peace and happiness arise in this kind of mind?

Hope you are content with what you have and who you are. Happiness depends on the way we look at the world.

Kai in a jungle

This is my photo taken last year in a jungle in Prachinburi. I like this photo a lot as it's quite natural- no cosmetic and no pretending smile. However, I always think that I look too plain.

According to Buddhist teachings, we should not concern very much about our appearance and looking as they are subject to change all the time. It is very impermanent and we cant stop or do anything with it. After having observd eight precepts for three months which means I have never used any cosmetic, facial treatment or lotion, I realize this truth. My face is much drier. There are more wrinkles esp under my eyes. I am also darker as UV protection got no chance to touch my face. There is no doubt that I look worse than before. However, I have found that I am much more calm. The peace has been grown up in my little heart beautifully. I can smile widely with a brither heart to everyone that now I have developed myself on the right track. The journey is still very long, but every step is the means to a peaceful end. There is no uselessness of any little body and mental practice.

The apologia for my brother

Sorry that I haven't posted for a few months. My excuse is I am very busy during these 2-3 months. There are so many things to do apart from working - studying, reading, researching etc. Anyway, one thing that I always do without laziness is meditation. Ven.Jayasaro said that (and I absolutely agree with him) if we realize that something is important, we will always try hard or put effort on doing that thing without any laziness. I recognize how good meditation is after have meditated more and more. So I meditate everyday - morning and at the night time (before I go to bed).

I have a lot to talk and share with other people, but the most important one is about my guilty feeling I have had for several months. A few months ago, I have done stg that cause my little brother to annoy and feel inconvinient. I have asked myself after being more mindful that 'why the hell you do this'? i couldn't answer that cos I am too embrassed to think of it.

The consequence of my craving is our beautiful relationship has come to the end within only a short time. I got no chance to talk with him or contact him in the future. I cannot apologize him. And I cannot even say good bye to him and wish him luck as he will leave the country very soon.

The Buddha (as transferred by Ven.jayasaro) said that if we have dome something wrong, the best way to manage it is we should confess and intend not to do it anymore. I wanna confess and apoligize him here - in case he might wander around my blog.

"Whatever I have done by body, speech and mind intentionally and unintentionally since the past til now, I really apologize for that. Please forgive me".

I bow my hear to your feet...Loung Nong.

I hope you will always be successful in the next step of your life. I am really sure you will achive in whatwvwe you intend. May happiness and peace always be with you.

Wat Pa Nanachart

On 29th July - 31st Aug I went to Wat Pa Nanachart (Ubonratchatani) to have a retreat. At first I asked myself why do I need to go to the far place like that. There are a lot of temples that are much closer (i.e. Chonburi or even in Bangkok). I think a big influence is Dhamma Talk of Ven.Jayasoro. He always mentions about Wat Pa Nanachart and Ven.Ajarn Cha. He speaks many times about hard practices there - eat one meal a day, get up very early and do a lot of temple's work. This is very different from other places I have been to meditate before. At other places, normally we get up around 4-4.30 am to chant for a while. After that we just do sitting and walking meditation for the whole day. However, What interests me is how can WPN produce a lot of good monks like V.Jayasaro, V.Sumedho, V.Khemmanando, V.Brahmavamso etc who help propagating Buddhism both in Thailand and other countries. SO I decided to go there to see how it's like.

I think I have learned something from this place. I think the purposes of hard practices i.e. to eat one meal a day or to work a lot are to let us see our 'desire' or 'craving'. At the temple, we ate at 8.30 am - but before that we have to work. I was so tired and hungry. From 7.30-8.30 I couldn't do anything cos I got no energy. Before having a meal, I felt that why 30 minutes (from 8.00-8.30 am) is so long like a year. I can see that when we need something - time passes so slowly as we need to get it. Compared with the time we don't want to do/meet something, why 30 minutes before doing that thing moves so quick. Time goes as it is always, the difference is from our cravings that want us to do/not to do stg.

Moreover, I have learned to control myself - not to follow any craving. After working and eating in the morning, it is time to have individual practice. No one controls and tells you what to do or what not to do. You have to be very disciplined. If you are lazy, you might spend your time on sleeping or talk with your friends. No one complains about that. But it means you get nothing from the temple.

The other thing is the mind response. I knew before going there that WPN was the cementry place in the past. According to Thai belief (and my belief), there must be a lot of ghosts or spirits there as their bodies were here before. I was a bit scarred but I thought that I will go to make a merit. Everything should be ok. You know? On the first night, I had to walk back and stay at my place by myself at 11 pm as my friend was sleepy and slept with other people in the kitchen. Trees there are so tall. Light is very low at night. It is like there are some shadows of people around. While i was walking back, I started to be very scarred. Then I tried to be mindful of what I was doing at that present moment - stop thinking and imagining about other things. At that time I noticed that my mind is not the same as my fear feeling. I can see that there was fear but I try not to get involve with it, not to hold it and think (or 'Proong Tang') a lot more. So the fear is only there. It cannot disturb my mind very much (just a bit). At that night I could stay at my place by myself without any disturbance even my mind.

Finally, it's about the interrelation between physical and mental sufferings. Hard work can make you feel tired and sleepy. This is physical suffering. But you mental suffering i.e. anger and unhappiness arises when you start thinking about it or when your Citta reacts to that anger in the wrong way. If we are mindful enough, we can see that physical sufferings are not the same thing as mental sufferings. The pain or the hunger is just there. Mind is not the same as the pain as long as mind doesn't follow the thought that want to leave that suffering (Tanha). And it's also not permanent. It is there for a while, then it's gone. For instance, when you are hungry, after eating - you are full. This also shows that everything happens according to their causes/factors. Therefore, Tanha or craving is not the real/permanent thing we should hold, attch or follow it. It's better to see it as the way they really are. What really happen with our body? What happen in our mind? Just see it, but not follow it.

Thanks a lot for Wat Pananachart that made me see my thought, my feeling and my craving. Then I now realize how to improve myself in the next retreat.

Something about Harry porter

Yesterday (Mon 23th July) I went to see 'Harry Porter' after my thesis proposal defense exam.I have been busy and tired for a month actually. And I feel like I need to have a rest. Then I decided to go to see Harry Porter cos it's quite popular. I think there must be some fun or stg interesting. After watching the movie, I was a bit dissappointed. I have found that I am too old to watch this kind of movie. Or this kind of movie is not my favor. I don't know why do I feel in this way. However, what I wanna talk is not about my old age or critisicms about the movie. There are some interesting points (which are unbelievable to get from the movie). You might be able to guess what I would talk about. It's absolutely about Buddhism.

The first point is what a god father of Harry Porter told him. I forgot the situation in the movie. But Harry's God father said that 'there is no completely dark side and bright side in the world nor in a human's mind. Everyone has both sides in themselves. But a good person is the one who can use or spend the bright side of himself'. This is not the exact quatation, but the concept is the same. I really agree with this idea as it's true - according to my experience and to my Buddhist knowledge. Everything in the world has both good and bad things in itself. It will be useless to try to define one thing as 'completely good' or 'absolutely bad' as it is the way to increase your 'self' or 'Atta'. Sometime we might find that a bad or silly thing would lead to the better thing. We might learn to improve ourselves from a mistake we have done. The bad situation will make people looking for the way to cease suffering - then they might change their life's attitde. They might not be attached with things very much. On the other hand, I have met some persons who try to identify themselves as 'completely great'. I have found that actually they are not really good as they try to tell other people. What they want is just to create 'an image' they want other people to see themselves. Their behavior are still not very good. Their mind is still full of craving. The other silly thing is when other people do not 'fall' into criterion they make, they just regard those as 'bad' people. Therefore, 'good' and 'bad' can't separated clearly as some people try to define. Please not try to do it and see things as the way they are. What we can do is to improve ourselves to be the btter person and try to create factors that lead to the better life. Also we should try to reduce what we regard as 'sin' or 'craving' or 'bad'.

The other point in Harry Porter is to control mind. In the movie, Harry had to be trained to fight with the dark lord. You know? His teacher trained him by reminding him about his past life which always suffered his mind. At first Harry couldn't stand for all these things. But his teacher said that the memory about your past life will be your weak points that the devil will attack - by truning his mind into the dark side. I think that this point is quite consistent with Buddhist teachings. Everyone has their past memories - both good and bad. We always enjoy the good memory and hate to think about the bad memory. Some people like to think about the bad memory and let it hurt themselves. The good thing about memory or Sanna is we can learn something from the past - and will do and not to do it again. But sometime Sanna comes up in our mind especially when we meditate. And that always disturbs our peace. Harry Porter teaches me that if we can overcome this bad or even good memory - I mean to ignore it or not to attach that it is the same thing as ourselves - it is just 'Anatta', we will discover that our mind will be much more calm down. The past is only the past. We can never do anything with it. If we always hold/attach with it all the time, that past experience will always be a big barrier to our calmness.

Friday 13th and my mindfulness

Normally I never believe anything about Friday 13th cos i am Buddhist. But what happened with me yesterday reminded me of the legend of this day. It might me stg concident or it means to happen - I am not sure. But it's bad enough to think about and hard enough to practice my mindfulness.
In the morning, I arrived work late though I waked up early. I waited for my sister as she would go to somewhere near my office and she would pay for a taxi. But she left home too late. A taxi driver dropped me somewhere close to my office, but it's not close enough to get to work on time, though I caught another taxi to work. I was marked as 'Late' which is not good for my promotion in the future. I was a bit unhappy but I thought that it's my fault as I was a person who made a decision. After I got to work, an official who responds for marking 'late' in the checking list told me that one of my colleagues always notices about my arriving time. That person was not happy if I got a chance to sign my name- if I arrive work a bit late. In other word, she would be 'ok' if I a, marked as 'late'. This surprises me a lot cos normally I am good with that person. I am a bit disappointed as i never think that she will do anything that is 'backbiting' like this. My unhappiness arised a bit more and it has been with me for several hours. You might think that this is not too bad. I guess so if there was nothing after that. In the late afternoon, my work submitted to my director was complained that it's not good enough. She said that 'how can you do stg like this?' I met her in the evening and she said to me that 'your work is bad'! I said 'sorry-I will improve it and let you see soon'.
I don't know how would you feel if you would meet stg like this. But after checking and being awared of the feeling. I was surprised that my mind was quite calm. In the morning I was unhappy about my late coming and my colleague. But my opinion about it is 'it's my fault' cos I am late. What I should do is improving myself and coming to work earlier. For what happened in the evening, I was a bit unhappy too. But I told myself that I will try to do a better work next time. Also I should not bind my feeling with someone's emotion esp. my director who is a 'meno pause' woman. When I have these thoughts about people and work, I feel much better than before. However, all unhappiness had stayed for a while and I could see it clearly as you can see dust in clear water. When I see it like this, it cannot disturb me very much-just a bit. Then all the bad feeling has gone at night.
I can tell you that this is the benefit of 'mindfulness' and 'Samma Ditthi' which is the result of mindfulness. I am not very angry/upset and I don't ignore all comments. I also accept them as they's true. I think I should improve myself (I always think like this, but it's hard to do sometime). If this happened in the past, I would be upset at least a few days and complain with people around. I would never accept that it's my fault. But it doesn't happen this time. Bad action and bad thought were stopped. I also see the rising and falling of my feeling which is really impermanent. It changes all the time.
I am so happy with my development. Friday 13th was not too bad as it becomes the day of 'mindfulness'.

My dog and blood donation

You might wonder how these two things relate with each other? I never think until it happened with me yesterday (friday 6 July).
There was a red cross mobile came to my office to get blood donation from students and officers - there are a lot of people here and they can get a lot of donation. I also went to donate my blood and I was so happy that I could do it. Because normally my hemoglobin is a bit low and i wasn't allowed to donate blood. But this time my hemoglobin reached the mininmum requirement. It was a bit painful as a nurse injected needle to your arm and let blood come out. Anyway this is not a point I wanna talk about.
AFter donating blood, I was with my colleague and had a rest. I was in a very good mood because I just did a good thing that can safe other people's life. For a while, my mom rang me and told me that my dog, that has been with me for 7 years just died. At that time, you know? I WAS SHOCKED. I was quiet for a sec and asked my mom what happened. I know that it was sick for a week but I never think that it would die very quick like this. After talking with my mom for a few minutes, I started crying - I felt sorry for my dog. I am not a dog lover. But this year I had more chance to feed it cos my mom wasn't at home sometime. It is like there is some source of bond between us. This can happen with anyone/anything that have been with each other for only a few weeks. While i was crying, a nurse around that area saw me - he gave me some bandage to dry my tear cos there is no tissue. You know? I laughed out- I thought it was funny to give someone a bandage to dry their tear.
When I laughed out again, I realized the very impermanence of my emotion that changed very quickly. I felt good/bad/funny within 10-15 minutes. Vedana happened and my citta responsed to all of them very quick without mindfulness. I was awared of all these things at some stage but I couldn't stop my physical reaction. This really shows that I was not mindful enough and I need to practice more sati (mindfulness).
My point/ or what i wanna write here is it will be very useful if you practice meditation and have more sati. Sati will help you see and notice what happen in your thought/mind. Then your physical and mind reaction will never follow your kilesa/craving/feeling (vedana)/Sangkara (perception)/sanna (memory). Sati will see obviously what happen in your mind - like a security guard sees if there is anyone gets into your place. Then this guard will tell you what to do and how to response to that situation. This time my gurad might take a nap and let both sadness and happiness affected me too much. I will be more careful next time.
Thanks for 'Samorn' - my lovely dog that is still useful for me even the last minute of its life. I hope you will be reborn in a better life esp. become a human. Then you will have more chance to make a merit as we do. I love you.

How to have a better (love) relationship?

You might think that why do I raise this point? It's not about Buddhism. There are many kinds of love in this world - love friends, love parents, love animals, love partners or etc. However, love in Buddhism we always talk about is love and compassion that is best wishes we have for everyone - no matter who/what/how they are. We always wish them to be free from suffering and never expect to get any thing back from our love. But love in Lokiya level is quite different from love in Buddhism. When we love someone (esp. lover). We always expect their love in return. We always want them to appreciate our love more or less by some actions. This might lead to an argue or conflict as everyone has their own personality. It would be great if our lover/ a person we like love us back. But what happen if it's not.
I just listen to a Dhamma talk (again) and I have the idea for this. Some of you already know it - I am sure. V.Chayasaro said that if we have Metta for a person we love which means we will always wish them to be happy and love them without any condition esp. if you agree to be together. Conditions here might be money, some stuffs, concern, some kind of quality i.e. smart, appearance. In my opinion, it's quite hard as we fall in love with someone cos they have something/conditions/quality we like such as 'she is a good girl' or 'he is nice'. However, I think what V.Chayasaro means is try to use more Metta than only your Kilesa. Why? Whenever you start to bind your love with anything which is impermanent, this means if that thing/condition/quality has gone, you love will be gone too. We can see the example from a lot of couples that divorce because a man has a new one cos a lady is too fat or looks too old. The other reason is 'she doesn't love me anymore' or 'he has changed from the first time we met'.' But if we love them without conditions - love with Metta : always wish them to be happy and try to do anything that make them feel happy.

When you want your lover to be like what you want - ask yourself that you really love him/her or you just love yourself and what them to satisfy your desire.

Dhamma talk of V.Jayasaro (2) : A destination of life

As I said before that this time I have listened to Dhamma talk of V.Jayasaro. I like it a lot and become attached at some stage. There are a lot of points in his talk that encourage me. But the important one is about the destination of life. I have met a lot of people who have no idea about their future. I don't like that very much cos I always think that we should have a goal for our lives. Otherwise, life will flow without destination. I really feel pity for that esp. for some potential people. That's why i wanna share this idea with you.

V.Jayasaro states that life that follows kilesa and Tanha or life that follows the Samsara (in my opinion) is a useless life. It is so hard to be born as a human. When you get this chance, you should utilize (economics term) or use it as useful as we can. Usefulness here means to benefit yourself and other beings. To benefit yourself is to develop yourself to have more wisdom which means to understand things as they really are. Then our kilesa and Tanha can be reduced by that wisdom. The ultimate goal is to get enlightened. But at this level - the goal should be to be the developed person as we can. It 's easy to speak out, but hard to practice in my opinion. But my experience is if you practice more meditation, you will have more Sati (mindfulness), then you can see at least the impermanence of yourself i.e. your emotion and your body. If you practice a lot more, your wisdom to understand all these things will really increase. Consequently, you will be more peaceful and happy as you will never attach (again) with Tanha and Kilesa too much. Wrongdoing will be hard to commit. Further, when you see things as they really are, you can see your fault as well. This is quite a weak point of most people. They never accept that they are bad, selfish, unkind or aggressive. But if your mindfulness is strong enough, you will see your fault and then you can try to improve yourself. The other result is you will love and understand other people more as when you understand yourself - your feeling and your emotion, you willl understand others' that they are the sameb as us.

Apart from benefiting yourself is the usefulness for other beings. How to do it? There are many ways to benefit other people - to give (if you have more than enough), to teach and advice (if you have some knowledge), to inspire and encourage (if you behave well enough to be a good example and have some kind of charisma or energy to lead people). To benefit yourself and others are realated with each other unavoidingly. When you are good - behave well, people will be inspired to follow your way or your teaching. The society will be better so far. When other people are better, they inspire you to be a better person too.

Your goal might be in the Lokuttara level such as success, happy family or wealthy. But I am afraid of setting the goal like that because if you bind your goal with people or anything apart from yourself. You might be suffered as all these things are subject to change all the time according to their factors. Everything will never be like what we want (even ourselves). That's why i talk mostly about developing yourself and helping other beings as it is easier to control ourselves than other things.

Some readers here might be monks. Some are laypersons. Some still have no idea about their future. Some have quite clear destination. Some are seeking for it. I really wish everyone to have your own destination for life. It's not easy, but not hard for you guys. Life will be more meaningful if we know where are we going or what are we doing. Do you agree with me?

Dhamma talk of V.Jayasaro (1)

Actually I intend to write about meditation first. But what has impressed me is dhamma talk by V.Jayassaro who is the Englisih monk ordaining in Thailand for more than 20 years. I got an MP3 files of his talk since last year, but I have never listened til Jan 2007 when i was on the way to Sukhotai. It was a long trip and i have nothing to do :P. His Dhamma talk is mostly about mindfulness which is my favorite topic.

Around early of June, I have a problem affecting me a lot. At that time, I cried - and then meditated cos i thought it might help. I also listened to the Dhamma talk a lot more (cos i think it might help too). And both of those things really helped as my mindfulness has come back within a month. The Damma by V.Jayasaro that really impressed me at that time is about 'be patient to do the right thing, though it's not what the liked thing' or 'ทำในสิ่งที่ถูกต้อง แม้ว่าจะไม่ถูกใจ'. He said that we have to be patient to do the right thing, though we are not happy to do it and though we have to be suffered from it. We should not attach to (or identify with) the happiness of mind all the time - we also should not try to avoid meeting unhappiness of the mind all the time too. The first reason is we can control ourselves - not to follow our Kilesa and Tanha that will lead us to the wrong/devil action. The other reason is we might lost a chance to see the nature of mind - impermanent cos no suffering will stay in yor mind forever. We can also learn something new from the suffering that - finally we can pass through it. Then we create a new Sanna (memory) that we can, though we never think we can . When a harder problem happens next time, it will be easy for us to control our mind.

After understanding this point, I realize that what happened with me is the very right thing. I have to accept and respect it happily though it caused me suffering for a few weeks. i am now even happy about what has happened cos i can control myself a lot more. If I wanna do stg that seems to be not very good (i.e. calling to talk with a married man) - then I ask myself - are you sure to do it ?- it might make you feel happy for a while but some problems might come after. Then I stop doing it immediately. What helps me to control my mind is my mindfulness that I got from meditation. The more I meditate, the clearer I notice my feeling and the better I control myself.

Thanks for the sufferings that challenge me to be a better person.
Thanks you V.Jayasaro for you clear Dhamma. I will always appreciate you, though I have no chance to meet you.

Study Astrology

After having lost and been lazy for one and half year, i think i have collected more information and experiences especially about meditation and everything about Buddhism to share with friends. Therefore, i come back to write it again.

If you are close enough to me, you would know that i have studied astrology since last year. The course was just three months. But i study more with my master (with a small group of friends). There are a lot of kinds of astrology, but i study the one that is originally from Burma. What I need to know is a birthday - day, month and year and the time you were born.

Some people ask me why do i study this, instead of having a rest at home or saving money. I told them that i like to see the fortune teller and ask about my future. To save money is to learn how to predict it and then i don't need to see any fortune teller anymore. This is only one reason.....The other reason is i always think the reason of something incredible happening in our lives. For example, why two people from far different places have a chance to meet each other. Or why a millionaire becomes the poor within a night. I guess that some of you might have the same question - but I need an answer.

The answer for all above questions is our Kamma (กรรม). It is what we have done in our last last last lives. We can never say exactly what (until you reach Buppenivasanusatiyana - the spiritual power to know the last life). Astrology is like a map of our old Kamma. As your Kamma determines your life, your birthday can roughly tell that what will your childhood like, what happen with your present life and what is the future - which depends on your kamma . It can also tell about your love life, your future children, your work, your illness or even your death. There are always some friends argue that this means people who were born on the same day will have the same life. I told them that...'no' - some part of your life might be similar, but not everything. The reason is your kamma leads you to be born in a different family. Then when you are growing up, it is the duty of your old kamma plus the new kamma. For instance, a twin who were born on the same day but a few different time have different life as they got their own kamma. They might share stg together before, but each of them have their own way.

Some people ask me 'is it believable?' I told then that it is 70-80% or even 100%. But it 's not everyone. My master said that a person who will never follow this rule is a person who meditates and chants a lot because it is a big merit that can reduce the effect of bad kamma, though not all. The Buddha said (somewhere) that if we put some amount of salt in a little bowl of water, water will be very salty. But if it is a container is a tank, water might be a bit salty. And if it is a river, water will never be salty as there is a plenty of water. Salt is our bad Kamma. Water is merit. The more merit we have, the less effect the bad kamma will give. However, we have to receive all consequences of our kamma more or less.

I wanna finish this post by talking about the benefit of studying astrology. It provides me the understanding of suffering, Anijja and the law of Kamma. According to all stars, everyone, no matter who, will have their own weak and good points. These will exist in any part of yourlife such as love, friend, work, yourself, family etc - depending on your kamma. If you have ever noticed, some people are very successful at work, but fail for family. Some have very great friends, but poor parents. Some are very pretty, but have nothing more than that. After i realize this point, I am no longer feel bad about my own disadvantage anymore. Because it's my own kammas that have brought me here. I'd better accept what happen and then do the best at the present. Why anijja? This is because each star has their own time and place. According to astrology, there is always some stars controlling your life. It takes some period and then it will be changed to other star. This can be seen from some people who have a good (or bad) life for a while. Then there is something changes/pushes them to be at the other stage of life. It reflects the influence of the star that controls your life at that time. This means nothing is last forever. When you are successful, it will be for a while, accoring to all factors that support the success. When you fail, it will also be for a while too. That's why we always say something like 'everything will be better one day' when you have a problem ,cos everything is very impermanent. They change all the time. We have to accept and prepare for it.

I hope this post will give you some understanding about me - my idea, astrology and some Buddhist concepts. Hope everyone enjoys reading it.