Happiness and the next retreat

Hello....
Sorry for being away for a long time. I have been very busy from a lot of things. There is something I can learn from the stressful and busy period, but I really got no time to write.

Actually during these time, I have been very happy due to a very nice relationship. This kind of happiness gives me a lot of energy to work harder. It also makee me calm down and can watch the mind more clearly. The master said that the factor of Samadhi is a happy mind. I think I realize it now.

However, I can also see that mental happiness is still impermanent. It amount changes all the time according to the factors. It comes and goes. I also could notice that it makes the mind heavier than the normal time, though it's not very heavy like in the unhappy time. But there is still something in the mind.

After the crazy 2 months (which might continue), I think it's time to go out again to gain more calmness, which will lead to more minfulness. I dont know how can I live my life without this best friend. Tomorrow evening (Thursday), I will go to Watpananachart and stay there for a few days. i am very happy about this, though I am a bit sick and need a lot of rest. But I dont go, I am not quite sure when I can go there again.

Hope everyone always are always with peace

Importance

Hi

I dont have much to talk actually - I am too tired to think of anything.
Everything seems to be important and take some time to deal with.
The silly thing is when all the 'important' things come at the same time, you might get crazy.

Venerable Ajahn Cha said that "everything is so important to us. But what is more important is whether we can 'let go' what is regarded as 'importance' or not."

Probably not, I think....hehehe

May peace be with you all (and me too)

Rainy retreat and eight precepts

I intend to observe the eight precepts during this rainy retreat- like last year. But actually I feel a little bit uncomfortable in this year. I dont know why... Anyway, I will try my best as I realize a lot of benefit I get from it.

One of my masters said that Sila is at mind. What he means is it depends on your thoughts and the quality of your mind - if it is on the right track or not. I agree with him. But in my opinion, a person who still cannot deal with some cravings and defilements, observing 5 or 8 precepts is the great way to practice controlling your sensual desire. We can see how the feeling or desire arise and pass away.

One benefit I have found from observing 8 precepts (2 days a week and last rainy retreat) is it is more easy to sacrifice/give up both physical and mental happiness. At first, i need to deal with the hunger in the evening, the desire to entertain myself by TV and radio and and the want to look good by putting cosmetic on a face. Since I can do that, i am more confident to deal with the physical needs as I know that they come and go. The next step is to sacrifice the mental happiness. These days i am patient enough to face mental unhappiness and sadness arising from the disappointment. I am dare enough to say 'no' to 'short term' nice sensual feelings which seem to hurt me in the long term. I feel pity (and still attach) for that nice feeling and I can feel that I like to have it. But the eight precepts teach me to sacrifice it and be patient for the suffering arising in the short term. It's a great chance to see how 'it' come and go.

Both physical and mental happiness are very impermanent. The less attachment we have for it, the more REAL happiness we can get - just from the peaceful mind that is not struggling to get any happiness anymore.

Bye for now...

Goodbye Good boy-Robert

Tonight my friend, Robert will leave for his country, Holland. After having been practiced and travelled in both Thailand and Laos for several months, it's time for him to go back home (he said like that).

I met Robert at Wat Pa Nanachart on 8th December 2007. We have contacted, talked and shared a lot of ideas especially about meditation, Buddhism and etc. I really admire his effort to practice esp. the hard retreat in Chiangmai. I also have found that he is an interesting person that I can always learn from him. It is nice to have a good friend who always tells me how to improve myself. There are not many people doing like that since I am getting older.

Anyway, I am a bit dissapointed that he doesnt follow his plan - to be a monk. But everyone got their own life and decision. If the way he has chosen is the best way for his life. I just accept that.

I wish him all the best for his future - business, love, friend and family. I really believe that he can do it well in everything if he wants to. I also hope that we will have a chance to contact each other sometime. I think we can be a good friend for our whole lives.

Thanks for the nice time we have been together. I am very glad to meet you.

Good luck....

Kai and a tiger

On Saturday 12th July, I got a chance to go to the Tiger Temple with my friend, Robert. This temple is located at Kanchanaburi. It is interesting that they gave visitors a chance to take a photo with tigers without charging (the entrance fee to the temple is 300 bath anyway). But you have to pay for 1,000 bath if you wanna have a photo that you can put the tiger's head on your lap. I didnt want myself or my friend to pay for this (for me). So I dont have that kind of photo.


For me, a tiger is like other beings - that are still in Samsara. It must do something wrong in the last life so that it has to be in the animal realm. Anyway, being a tiger that always has someone to look after or always has a pretty girl (like me) to take a photo with is better than being a fish in a restaurant.


Hope all of them will get a chance to be reborn as a human. Then they might get a chance to learn Buddhism and get a chance to walk on the noble path.

Wait and see

Hi

I am so tired today. I have been tired for the whole week. I think I must get older. My life rountine is all the same, but a bit more stressful as there are so many things to worry and think about.

Mindfulness and Buddhism help me a lot due to the feeling of 'letting go'. I think we should try our best in everything. But we have to 'wait and see' as well. Sometime our best we can do is only just 'wait and see' and 'let go' after the best has been done.

Mindfulness helps me to 'wait and see' peacefully and accept the result of everything as the way it is with (hopefully) a happy mind. I am trying to be more brave to be with all happiness and unhappiness arising. It is not easy because normally we try to avoid being with (mental) suffering by doing a lot of things especially changing our attention (mental object) to other things such as listen to music, watch T.V., meditate to calm the mind. This is what we always do when we feel bad. But if we are brave enough to be with sufferings, we will be able to see the nature and real characteristics of the mind, sufferings and all mental states which are suffering, non-self and impermanent. If we always disturb the mental states, we can never see all these things.

Have you have a nice weekend

I am sick...

hi
I am now sick from a cold. It has started on Thursday. Then it was getting bad. SO I decided to stop working on Friday to have a rest at home.

I notice that it is hard to be mindful when we are sick. The mind is so dull and sleepy. I have tried to do Vedananupassana Satipathana - physical suffering. But to do that well , you have to have strong Samatha meditation until you can see that Vedana (physical and mental suffering) is not you, yourself. It is other thing. But my Samatha meditation is not strong enough. I can watch my mind only a few time and I can see that there is some unhappiness there as I want to get better as soon as possible. I cant work and do things as I have planned. I have to lay down most of the time. However, before going to bed, I still do walking meditation as much as I can. It helps me to be mindful of the body movement esp the main postures such as walk, sleep and sit. I cant say that I am mindful most of the time. But it is better than the past that i was deluded in my thoughts all the time and never be with the present moment.

Ven.Anan Akinjano said that we have to practice meditation a lot. It would help when we are sick. Normal people have unclear and unhappy mind when they are sick. But if we are mindful of it esp the feeling towards the pain such as unhappiness and anger (or be mindful of the physical suffering - if you can), we will never hate any kind of sickness as it is a part of nature. We are more likely to have equnimity towards it. Then the mind will be even more calm and wholesome and mindful as there are no unhappiness and anger there.

Today is a birthday of Craigie......my lovely cute monkey. Hope he has a happy birthday.

Have a good weekend

Happy Birthday to B

Tomorrow (6th June) is my second sister's birthday, the one who is the judge. I already gave her a little Buddhist amulet (a copied of the Emerald Buddha) since last month. I really wish her all the best.

I am quite happy today as i have finished the proposal for my future supervisor (Prof. Peter Saunders). I really feel bad about this as I am so late. I am supposed to finish it since last month. But when we are crazy, there is no motivation and concentration to read or work. I dont blame anyone about this, just myself who still cannot let go and have equannimity among both good and bad situations. This is what i really have to improve myself. My life depends mostly (even too much) on the mental happiness. When I am happy, the world is so beautiful and i can work a lot. But when I am sad, nothing is finished. I have noticed it clearly, but I am not strong enough to keep working. And the result is i have too much workload at the end as I cant manage my time. I am still thinking how can I solve this problem?

Anyway, other things are still waiting to be done. I hope that I can finish them as I plan.

Bye for now

Mindfulness

Many times that life goes on the way we dont like. That is acceptable.

But if something we dont like has happened continuously in one night. That is still acceptable, but hard to stand. Sometime i think that it must mean to happen - to practice my mindfulness.

Last night there was something that made me feel unhappy. I almost cried out. But when I tried to call the other person with some hope that I might feel better. There was no one answer the phone. At that time I felt as I am a 'nobody girl'. Then I can see that there are two unhappinesses at the same time. The mind jumped back and forth between those two things.

At that time, I tried to read my book. But i couldnt concentrate. So I decided to do the walking meditation instead. It was funny that the mind changed it perception all the time - two problems and the body movement. At first, the mind was with unhappiness most of the time. But for a while, it changed to perceive the walking more often.....The mind was light and free when it was with the present moment.

Suffering and unhappiness are very unexpected. They can come anytime. We can never stop them. But they will go as soon as your mind is with the present moment.

I cant fully do it as I am not enlightened yet. These is still a lot of attachment in my mind. But at least, I have been trying.

Happy Sunday

Hi
Today is the first Sunday in the last 4 months that I dont have to teach and go out to other provinces. This is a real holiday, though I still got some work to do esp. my Ph.d.proposal, marking the tests and doing some work for the temple-Wat Marpchan.

I have learned that 'time' and 'freedom' to do what we enjoy are more important than money. I have happily rejected 3 works (teaching and translating work) already because I have been so tired continuously during the last 4 months. There is some regret for money I will get from all those works. But there would be more regret if I got no time to do my own works.

I havent started any work today because i am still lazy and I like to enjoy my free time a bit. I will do the readings this afternoon.

Another happiness is from someone.........whom I have thought of a lot during last month. I still dont know what to do next. But what I can tell myself is - no matter what kind the relationship is and no matter what will happen in the future, as long as there are love, compassion and best wishes we always have/give to each other, we can always have each other and our friendship (at least) can last forever.....I think (and hope).

Hope you have a good weekend

My sister

Normally i dont talk very much about my family, though most of them are quite religious and have been greatly influenced on my Buddhist attitude. But this occasion is too good to miss as my second sister (B) got a chance to take an oath of allegiance in front of the King at his palace in the afternoon of 15th May 2008. This event is the sign that she is a real judge, not a judge trainee anymore. She has fully responsibility to judge a case. In the morning, she and her colleagues took a photo together - and i am her personal photographer. My mom also came to take a photo.

I always think that success in work, study etc is the worldly thing. It comes and goes. This occasion happened and finished in the evening like everything in the world that can never last forever. But somehow success indicates some interesting Buddhist ideas:

KAMMASSAKA KAMMA-DAYADA KAMMA-YONI KAMMA-BANDHU KAMMA-PATISARANA

All living beings are owners of their actions, are heirs to their actions, born of their actions, related through their actions, and live dependent on their actions.

Source : http://www.skepticfiles.org/mys5/crafta.htm

My sister's success today is from the effort she has made during the last 10 years since she has started her life in the Faculty of Law, Dhammasart University. She is the owner and the person who gets the fruit of her good Kamma.

Congratulations with B, my sister

Wat Marp Chan

Hi
I just came back from Wat Marp Chan. It was great esp the abbot and the place. I have learned stg that will benefit my meditation. I told the abbot that I am now learning to 'watch the mind'. But he can tell that I cant do that well cos my concentration is not strong enough. He also said that I study too much and got too much doubt. I rejected that a bit actually. But I tried to do more 'Samatha meditation' as he has suggested and it helped me a lot to watch my mind clearer. I think I have to meditate a lot more. The destination seems to be far, but i will try my best.

This retreat gave me a great chance to see myself clearly - esp the difference of the mental state between the time I was 'a watcher of my problem' and the time I was 'a problem' of myself. I still feel not good sometime, but not all the time. The mind didnt perceive it everytime. I have learned that 'the more we attach, the more we suffer'. This is the real experience.

You can contact Wat MarpChan by this number. There are some foreigner there. So there is no problem about communication with the abbot. You can ask them- how to go there.

Call 0-3861-7546

Fax 0-3899-6293 ( 09.00-1130. am. ,15.30-18.30 pm)

E-mail : information@watmarpjan.org

Happy Visakhabujaday

Hi

Happy Visakhabuja Day. It was the day the Buddha was born, enlightened and passed away. If there was no Buddha, there was no one giving us the right knowledge to the noble path.

I will go to the retreat at Wat Mab Chan, Rayong this evening and will come back on 19th May. I am quite ok now, though I always feel not very good at the night time - the time I always talk with my friend. I think of him and I miss our Buddhist conversations a lot. But I dont know where he is.... Anyway, mindfulness helps me to be with the present moment rather than sinking in my thoughts all the time - which is the real illusion.

Wishing all of you all the best for this important day.
May peace, happiness and mindfulness always be with you.

Bye

Happiness to share

According to my blog about cyclone in Burma - and any kind of help is badly needed. I have forwarded the email of my Burmese friend to some of my friends. I also told this news to my colleagues and my family.

Until now I already got more than 6 big packs of used clothes, a pack of instant noodle and medicine from my colleagues. My mom and my sister also collect their clothes for me. The pharmacist I met yesterday also donated a box of saltz powder for diarrhea patients. What impresses me a lot is there is the support from my mail-friend: Mike Saltz. I have never met him or even talked with him. We just send an email to each other to talk about life and meditation sometime. Mike has informed his colleagues (and friends-I am not sure) at his school (probably) about this news and he got some donations for Burmese people. I never expect this before.....But I am very impressed. You can visit his blog at
http://www.worldteacher.blogspot.com/

I am very happy that I can help Burmese people who have been in trouble from the disaster. What I, my family and my friends will give might be only a little percentage compared with overall needs. But it's better than nothing. This is also a chance to let me know - how kind and compassionate my friends, my colleagues and my family are. I think I am so lucky to meet/to be with them.

Update: Overall I have collected 14 packs of used clothes, 5 packs of instant noodle, 3 big bottles (1,000 tablets) of Paracetamol, 2 packs of medicine for diarrhea, 2 big boxes (50 packs in each) of saltz pawder, 3 bottle of Betadine (to heal a wound), 2 packs of button, 1 bottle of alcohol and 400 bath. My friend would rent a truck to Mae-sord (the border between Thai and Burma), then he will go to Yangoon. Then his friend who lives at the disaster place will come to pick the stuffs....I am not really sure about his schedule. But I am confident that all donations will arrive there.

Happy Birthday

I would like to say Happy birthday to Ven.Noah Yuttadhammo-his birthdy is on 9th May. But i wasnt in Bkk during that time.

It's not only his birthday actully, but the birthday of the new meditation center that Venerable has been assigned to be the master there. It is located at Wat Tam Bua tong, Mae Tang, Chiangmai. The place will be opened for a meditation practitioner in the next few months. You can visit his website at http://www.yuttadhammo.sirimangalo.org/.

As the Buddhist, the goal of our life is to do what are useful (or benefit) for ourselves and other people. To make it clearly, to benefit ourself is to try to cultivate mindfulness and wisdom as much as we can. To benefit other people is to help them to have a better life which can be done by giving something to help them such as money, knowledge, life opportunity and etc.. However, the best giving is to give the Dhamma. Venerable Noah is now doing that and (I believe that) he will be doing this for all his life. I really Anumodana for this..

Best wishes for Venerable and the meditation center.

Burma Cyclone - Need help

Hi
Here is the email I got from my Burmese friend about disaster in Burma. If you wanna donate stg, please contact him by the mobile phone number at the bottom of the message. His name is Kumaralangkara. He lives at Wat Mahatat, Bangkok.

I will go to see him on Monday morning. You might contact me if you want me to pick up your stuffs. My mobile phone number is (66) 89-4905275.

Best wishes
Kai
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cUOwNKYtw0oHi
Hello,
Dear all my friends,How are you?I wish you all safety, good health, and peace in life.I believe you all might be feeling sorry these days,reading recent news about Burmese tragedy caused by the devastating storm,that killed estimated 50,000 people andleft some hundred thousands without food and shelter.Needless to say, the Burmese people living abroad are touched even harder by the news about their homeland.Now, the Burmese working in Thailand are collecting donationsfrom their fellow communities in Bangkok, to help the survivors in the storm-affected areas. However, as most of the them can not go to Burma by themselves due to their workloadthey ask the Burmese monks to go on behalf of them and deliver their supports directly into the hands of those refugees.With this regard, I inform you all of my friends thatsome Burmese monks, (hopefully, including me,) are leaving for Burma around coming Monday (May, 12, 2008), carrying those donated.And I also want to inform that you can share any of your contribution, includingclothe (used ones or any), medicine, food (dried noodle like Mama, Yum Yum etc.) and cash as well.which will directly go into the hands of the poor in suffering.We do not expect to cover needs of all victims, with the little supply we can afford, we can hope to save, at least, certain lives that our cloths, food and water could reach, though. Dhamma cures mental defilements of beings.Food and medicine are urgent need for the hungry and the sick.

With Regards,KumaralankaraPh:
(66)0841017376

My photo at the retreat

It's me at the retreat. It is the only one photo I have now (there are a few, but I havent got it). Beside me is my Vietnamese friend - Ven.Phi. He is my classmate. I told him that I like his face as it shows compassion and happiness. I smile everytime I look at him.

I dont look very good in this photo as i didnt make up at all (8 precepts) . I was so dark and my face was a bit bony. But (I think) there were some happiness and calmness instead of beauty. hehehe I like to make myself feel good a bit.

The feeling now is ok....I am dull and sad sometime esp. the time I went to bed. But it is getting bettter. It seems that i am now more mindful of the body movement than before as I do walking meditation everynight instead of sitting meditation. I am too tired and sleepy to sit.

Unhappiness is what the mind perceives and attaches as there is Avicca that the mind and body are belong to us. So we want to make them happy. When we cant be happy as we want, we tend to struggle to look for the happiness. Then unhappiness arises.

Best wishes to you all...

A watcher

Today I got up so late (10 am). I have found that I need more time to have a rest esp. if you work/think a lot during the working days. I must be getting older.

This moring (which is the best time to watch the mind), I have found that I feel much better. The mind still moved to the problem as it always does since I open my eyes. But this moring, the heavy feeling is much less than everyday. It is the first time I become a watcher of the problem, not a player as before. I am not quite sure how long this will last as the mind is non-self. We can never control it and its responses.

I try to think about the conclusion - what should we do when we have a problem that suffers our mind. First, in case that we can stand it, we should watch our mind - how the mind response/react to a problem. From this we will be able to see that the mind perceives all the external senses based all the time. It works all the time. And actually we are not suffered all the time. Yesterday I wanted to talk with my friend. The feeling is so strong till I can notice, However, just 2 minutes later, I have found that I thought about other thing already. The mind already changed its object.

However, if we cant stand the problem or the mindfulness is not strong enough, it's better to look for something to do to change the mind object. We should do things that can relax the body and mind rather than stress them more. We might watch TV, listen to the radio, exercise or take a walk. The body will then relax and so does the mind. The wise solution (in case we need it) will come out when we are calm.

From my experience, any kind of problem wil not last forever. It will be gone. What lasts longer is our attachment (Upadana) and ignorance (Avicca) so that our sufferings are held.

Actually I still got no idea about the solution of my problem. But this time the problem seems not to be the problem anymore. It was what my mind has perceived and clung on and it now becomes what my mind 'lets go' and sees its as the other thing.

Thanks a lot for all the useful suggestions from everyone around me -my sister and my Dhamma friends. During the bad time, I have found that I am not alone in the world. Thanks!

May peace be with you all...

Feeling

I feel better today (I think). The mind thinks and feels about the problem sometime, but the physical responses such as numb hand or pain inside the body are much less than before. It's good that I have time to calm down myself and think about it.

My friend said that I am suffered because i deny the truth and the nature. What has happened is very common. But the problem is that I dont accept it as the way it is. Ajahn Brahm said that we are suffered when we assume about the world without thinking of its reality. We just look at the side we want it to be, but not its facts. If we see/acccept as the way it is, life will be more peaceful and happy as there is less struggling to change the world. I agree with him.

Anyway, I still dont know what to do next. What I want seems to be differnt from what it should be. I remember one talks of Ven.Jayasaro that sometime we have to be suffered from doing the right thing cos it's not what we want. I totally agree with him, though i cant completely do it.

Feelings and emotions come and go. Mindfulness will allow your mind to see their impermanence, non-self and suffering more clearly.

Sorry....this post is very confusing. I just need to talk. It makes me feel a bit better from thinking of someone and something.

Where is the location of Citta (mind)?

I will talk about mind, not love. There is no love during this day....

I feel thankful for the problem as it is a great chance to practice mindfulness. It is like a student graduating from the university. He never knows the real world unless he faces it by himself. My situation makes me understand more about the mindfulness and the nature of mind (Citta) as well.

The book 'Tang-ek' 'ทางเอก' or 'the main path' of Ven.Pramote pamotecho says that Citta or the mind got no location. The mind here is not our heart (or our love), but it is the perception through our eyes, ears, skin, tongue, nose and mind. The mind will arise when we perceive something and finish when we change to perceive another thing. For example, when we are walking, seeing and thinking simultaneously, the mind can perceive at leg, eyes and brain- in separating moment (sorry I dont how to explain). I mean if the mind perceives that the legs are walking, it will not perceive what we see and hear. Or if the mind perceives that we are seeing, it will not perceive that we are walking and thinking. This shows that the mind got no location. It is arising and passing away all the time when it perceives and finish perceiving at each internal sense-bases. It happens very fast. This also indicates that the mind is non-self (Anatta) as we cant control it to exist or nor exist.

I can see this yesterday. Most of the time I was sad. But when i have to teach, I have to concentrate on the class. I can see that the mind is moving its perception all the time between the sadness in my mind and the class. When I was thinking and speaking, the mind perceived at my brain and my mouth. Then I needed to listen to my students's answers, just at that moment, my mind jumped back to my feeling and then listened. It happened like this all the time. The perception of the mind was moving all the time. I have found that when I was teaching,listening and walking, I was not that sad. The sadness just arose when the mind perceived it.

This shows that sadness is only Nama or what the mind sees/perceives and then our Avicca starts working. It is the attachment embeded deeply in our mind.

My journey is still far away, but at least I have started and learned how to go. Hope you guy will get a chance to walk on this Noble path like me.

Thanks for the problem ;)
Best wishes