Hi
During these days, I am preparing for my research design seminar on 30th March. The feeling for this coming this is quite strange, but understandable, I think.
I am happy that it happens, then I will know the result whether I pass or fail. Then I will know what I need to do next. If I pass, I will go back home for the fieldwork. This is very good for me because it means that the other step of my PhD life is coming. I will also see my family whom I haven't met for more than a year. But at the same time, I start to feel sad that I have to stay away from Robert. We have been together quite a lot during the past 6 months - almost 24 hours a day. The sweetness of love is not there, but the strength of love is getting higher. I feel uncomfortable every time I think about this. Anyway, life must go on and I hope that everything between us goes well. But if I pass with conditions, which means I need to stay longer, the feeling will be opposite from above.
I am also worried about the coming seminar. I thought that it should be ok. But life is very uncertain. I am getting more worried cos my friend thinks that I should present it in a different way. I will see what she gonna suggest and make it different.......
Best wishes for myself
Friday, March 26, 2010
Sunday, March 21, 2010
A Thai temple in the Netherlands
Hi
Today I got a chance to make offering to a monk at a Thai temple here. Netherlands has 2 Thai temples: Wat Buddharama at Waalwijk and Wat Buddhavihara at Amsterdams. I go to the one located in Waalwijk with a reason that it's more quite and bigger. Its the second time I goes there, but the third time to go to Thai temples here. I should have been to the temple more often, but I am too busy and also I am a bit less interested in making an offering. I am more concerned for mindfulness, observing precepts and meditation which I can do at home.
Overall there are not many differences between Thai temples in Thailand and here. Temples here just have (a lot) less monks, more lay people, look more like a house than a temple. For me, the obvious difference is I offer food that I cook to monks for temples here. I have never done this in Thailand. The main reason is food here is a lot more expensive....And I feel like I can do something by myself.
I am very happy to go to the temple today. The reason is that my family goes to the cemetery of my father for the Chinese tradition to memorize the death person. I am not there, but at least I can do something good and radiate merit to him (and other beings). The other nice thing is I got a chance to make offering with Robert (again). Its very important for me to do this with the person I love. I always believe that we have been together and did something good together before so that we meet each other again in this life.
Today I got a chance to make offering to a monk at a Thai temple here. Netherlands has 2 Thai temples: Wat Buddharama at Waalwijk and Wat Buddhavihara at Amsterdams. I go to the one located in Waalwijk with a reason that it's more quite and bigger. Its the second time I goes there, but the third time to go to Thai temples here. I should have been to the temple more often, but I am too busy and also I am a bit less interested in making an offering. I am more concerned for mindfulness, observing precepts and meditation which I can do at home.
Overall there are not many differences between Thai temples in Thailand and here. Temples here just have (a lot) less monks, more lay people, look more like a house than a temple. For me, the obvious difference is I offer food that I cook to monks for temples here. I have never done this in Thailand. The main reason is food here is a lot more expensive....And I feel like I can do something by myself.
I am very happy to go to the temple today. The reason is that my family goes to the cemetery of my father for the Chinese tradition to memorize the death person. I am not there, but at least I can do something good and radiate merit to him (and other beings). The other nice thing is I got a chance to make offering with Robert (again). Its very important for me to do this with the person I love. I always believe that we have been together and did something good together before so that we meet each other again in this life.
Saturday, March 20, 2010
16 months in the Netherlands
Hello
I haven't written my blog for a long time as I have been very busy especially the last 6-7 months. I am still in the Netherlands - almost finish the first step of my PhD journey. On this 30th March, I will have a research design seminar where committees will decide whether my proposal is good enough for the fieldwork at home.
16 months in this cold country has learned me many things - academic skill, different culture, different way of thinking etc. I like most things I have experienced here, except the weather which is too cold for me. People here are very criticizing (esp. my supervisors and my boyfriend) so that I have to learn to be more criticizing as well. The other thing I like about this country is there is less hierarchy, but more distance between people. People do not look at you from only 'external; thing such as beauty, wealth or even education. But they are more concerned about your 'content' and 'quality' - your thoughts and personality. I love this cos I can safe time spent on making myself 'look' good, but more time on improving my thoughts and personality.
I have a lot to talk, but I dont have much time for this. I might come back again.....in the future.
I haven't written my blog for a long time as I have been very busy especially the last 6-7 months. I am still in the Netherlands - almost finish the first step of my PhD journey. On this 30th March, I will have a research design seminar where committees will decide whether my proposal is good enough for the fieldwork at home.
16 months in this cold country has learned me many things - academic skill, different culture, different way of thinking etc. I like most things I have experienced here, except the weather which is too cold for me. People here are very criticizing (esp. my supervisors and my boyfriend) so that I have to learn to be more criticizing as well. The other thing I like about this country is there is less hierarchy, but more distance between people. People do not look at you from only 'external; thing such as beauty, wealth or even education. But they are more concerned about your 'content' and 'quality' - your thoughts and personality. I love this cos I can safe time spent on making myself 'look' good, but more time on improving my thoughts and personality.
I have a lot to talk, but I dont have much time for this. I might come back again.....in the future.
Wednesday, June 03, 2009
tired
hi
I was so tired today. There were many things I needed to do for the meeting. Anyway, I feel good that I am a part of it.
But I feel so heavy now. It always happens when things won't go as the way you expect. Mindfulnesss seems to be almost useless. The mind is overwhelmed by some kind of sadness which doesnt really want to go.
I try to understand things as the way they are. But sometime it is so hard to really understand - why it is like that. I might be too stupid for this little silly world.
Hope the world is more kind to me in the future.
I was so tired today. There were many things I needed to do for the meeting. Anyway, I feel good that I am a part of it.
But I feel so heavy now. It always happens when things won't go as the way you expect. Mindfulnesss seems to be almost useless. The mind is overwhelmed by some kind of sadness which doesnt really want to go.
I try to understand things as the way they are. But sometime it is so hard to really understand - why it is like that. I might be too stupid for this little silly world.
Hope the world is more kind to me in the future.
Monday, May 18, 2009
Good morning
HI
Now its the morning of Monday. The weather seems to be nice (I cant trust it) and I will start my study very soon.
My study is getting very hard again - a lot of classes, meeting and a paper. But this time I expect myself to write a better paper as I have a clear picture - what to write. Its not very vague like last time. I need to work hard for it anyway.
I also try to meditate everyday. I can almost everyday as I am busy and tired. It is very good for me particularly my mentality as the peace and calmness gained from meditation allow me to see my feeling and thoughts clearly. Then I realize what is the root of my mental problem. We cant solve the problem if we dont know it cause. I really wish that I can deal with things in my liofe better and better.
Yesterday I talked with my Thai friend - Ed. It was nice to talk with him sometime. Now he is in Austria for the traning. I feel funny as when we were in Thailand, we never talk this much. We were too busy esp. him as he is a doctor. I told him about my life here. He said that it seems I have a happy life. I told him that most people said that. We also talked about my boyfriend. He said that he is confident that I can survive this relationship and bring my boyfriend back home. I dont know if he really meant it or he just wanted to say something nice to me. But I am happy to hear that positive words and I will try my best for that.
Hope everyone has a nice week. It just starts.
Now its the morning of Monday. The weather seems to be nice (I cant trust it) and I will start my study very soon.
My study is getting very hard again - a lot of classes, meeting and a paper. But this time I expect myself to write a better paper as I have a clear picture - what to write. Its not very vague like last time. I need to work hard for it anyway.
I also try to meditate everyday. I can almost everyday as I am busy and tired. It is very good for me particularly my mentality as the peace and calmness gained from meditation allow me to see my feeling and thoughts clearly. Then I realize what is the root of my mental problem. We cant solve the problem if we dont know it cause. I really wish that I can deal with things in my liofe better and better.
Yesterday I talked with my Thai friend - Ed. It was nice to talk with him sometime. Now he is in Austria for the traning. I feel funny as when we were in Thailand, we never talk this much. We were too busy esp. him as he is a doctor. I told him about my life here. He said that it seems I have a happy life. I told him that most people said that. We also talked about my boyfriend. He said that he is confident that I can survive this relationship and bring my boyfriend back home. I dont know if he really meant it or he just wanted to say something nice to me. But I am happy to hear that positive words and I will try my best for that.
Hope everyone has a nice week. It just starts.
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Life
Hello
This month (May) there are 4 PhD students who pass to the next step: defend their proposal, do the final seminar and conduct the public defense. The most intresting one is the one who graduates - Lu Caizhen. Her thesis (Title: Who Is Poor In China? Comparison of Alternative Approaches to Poverty Assessment in Rural Yunnan) receives distinction. This is very rare at ISS. Only 1 out of 10 got it (there are less than 10 distinction graduates from overall 80 graduates). I really feel congratulated for her and she is one of my in spiration.
Sometime I feel like life is not easy at all, no matter where I am. There is always something that challenges you to deal with it and to pass through it. Challenge comes in many forms. For me, the mentality is the biggest challenge I need to deal with. There are so many unnecessary things that I always take into my mind (as the mind gets used to do it) and let them disturb me. I will have to try to deal with it. I tell myself that I cant change the world or anyone in the world. I just accept it as the way it is and see what happen.
Hope I can survive this hard time.
Good luck for everyone
This month (May) there are 4 PhD students who pass to the next step: defend their proposal, do the final seminar and conduct the public defense. The most intresting one is the one who graduates - Lu Caizhen. Her thesis (Title: Who Is Poor In China? Comparison of Alternative Approaches to Poverty Assessment in Rural Yunnan) receives distinction. This is very rare at ISS. Only 1 out of 10 got it (there are less than 10 distinction graduates from overall 80 graduates). I really feel congratulated for her and she is one of my in spiration.
Sometime I feel like life is not easy at all, no matter where I am. There is always something that challenges you to deal with it and to pass through it. Challenge comes in many forms. For me, the mentality is the biggest challenge I need to deal with. There are so many unnecessary things that I always take into my mind (as the mind gets used to do it) and let them disturb me. I will have to try to deal with it. I tell myself that I cant change the world or anyone in the world. I just accept it as the way it is and see what happen.
Hope I can survive this hard time.
Good luck for everyone
Thursday, April 16, 2009
General life
Hello
After having been crazy with my paper for a few weeks, I get my life back again. I have submitted my paper to the supervisors in the last 2 weeks and i will meet both of them to discuss about it in the next week. This time i am more relaxed, though still need to think about my paper more and need to read for new classes.
The good thing I did a few days ago is I posted printable CDs and 2 bottles of jam to the Buddhist temple in Italy (Santacittarama Monastery). I am happy to do this as I dont have much chance to do the offering as when I was in Thailand. Robert promises me that he will take me to a Thia temple here, But I still don´t know when as we are busy. Therefore, postal offering is a good option.
I just get a new guitar....again. I bought it on Wednesday. I think I need it as my life has very low level of entertainment which is not good for me in a long term. Thesed days I just want to read some news from the internet which is the only thing I can enjoy myself. I think a guitar might help me to relief some stress from study,
I still need to deal with some emotional stuffs existing from environment sometime. Our mind, feeling, thoughts and emotion work interchangeably all the time. And that affects me. Robert said that try not to be affected by it. I think its impossible as its the nature of the mind. I dont want to control it too much as its not healthy in a long term. Sometime I just see what happen with all mental phenomena and see how it work and finish by itself. But sometime I also need to do something to control if its too much. Its good to learn anyway.
Hope everyone enjoy life durng the long weekend in Thailand.
May peace be with you
After having been crazy with my paper for a few weeks, I get my life back again. I have submitted my paper to the supervisors in the last 2 weeks and i will meet both of them to discuss about it in the next week. This time i am more relaxed, though still need to think about my paper more and need to read for new classes.
The good thing I did a few days ago is I posted printable CDs and 2 bottles of jam to the Buddhist temple in Italy (Santacittarama Monastery). I am happy to do this as I dont have much chance to do the offering as when I was in Thailand. Robert promises me that he will take me to a Thia temple here, But I still don´t know when as we are busy. Therefore, postal offering is a good option.
I just get a new guitar....again. I bought it on Wednesday. I think I need it as my life has very low level of entertainment which is not good for me in a long term. Thesed days I just want to read some news from the internet which is the only thing I can enjoy myself. I think a guitar might help me to relief some stress from study,
I still need to deal with some emotional stuffs existing from environment sometime. Our mind, feeling, thoughts and emotion work interchangeably all the time. And that affects me. Robert said that try not to be affected by it. I think its impossible as its the nature of the mind. I dont want to control it too much as its not healthy in a long term. Sometime I just see what happen with all mental phenomena and see how it work and finish by itself. But sometime I also need to do something to control if its too much. Its good to learn anyway.
Hope everyone enjoy life durng the long weekend in Thailand.
May peace be with you
Saturday, March 21, 2009
Mindfulness
Hello
These days i dont talk about Buddhism very much. There are so many things to say and think about. My blog becomes more diverse. However, I always think about Buddhism and realize its benefit esp. from mindfulness and meditation.
I have found that I am a real thinker. Actually everyone is, but they dont realize that. And my thoughts can both benefit and disturb me esp. my mentality. Nothing is real...I think.....my memory, my perception, my thoughts about the world, my feel and my emotion. They are related to each other and get some particular consequence due to all those interrelations. Whenever we can realize that, the attachment to the worldly stuffs and will lessened, I guess.
Personally I am always disturbed by my thoughts, feeling and emotion. It happens all the time esp with something that I already believe (thought-memory) or with something that I already memorize, then it is affected and lead to the bad feeling (memory-perception-feeling). I try to be very mindful with all of these by just seeing them until ithey are gone. But sometime I just go crazy with them and cannot do anything. This affects me quite a lot as I cant concentrate on my study very well when it happens.
I just hope that I can dela with it better than this...
Bye
These days i dont talk about Buddhism very much. There are so many things to say and think about. My blog becomes more diverse. However, I always think about Buddhism and realize its benefit esp. from mindfulness and meditation.
I have found that I am a real thinker. Actually everyone is, but they dont realize that. And my thoughts can both benefit and disturb me esp. my mentality. Nothing is real...I think.....my memory, my perception, my thoughts about the world, my feel and my emotion. They are related to each other and get some particular consequence due to all those interrelations. Whenever we can realize that, the attachment to the worldly stuffs and will lessened, I guess.
Personally I am always disturbed by my thoughts, feeling and emotion. It happens all the time esp with something that I already believe (thought-memory) or with something that I already memorize, then it is affected and lead to the bad feeling (memory-perception-feeling). I try to be very mindful with all of these by just seeing them until ithey are gone. But sometime I just go crazy with them and cannot do anything. This affects me quite a lot as I cant concentrate on my study very well when it happens.
I just hope that I can dela with it better than this...
Bye
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Bestdealvps
Hello
I think this website is interesting for a person who needs to travel a lot. It is very convenient as you dont need to worry about laptop, virus, USB. You can put all your files, photos, downloaded programs in it and you can use it everywhere that you can access internet.
http://www.desktop-to-go.com/
http://www.bestdealvps.com/
http://www.ipoddesktop.com/
My life now is going a bit crazy. I cant read all my papers as planned. Also there is no good idea coming up.
Some problems disturb me sometime, but I will try to get over it. Otw, I cant study and that is too bad for me.
I think i will try to get things done soon.
Best wishes
Kai
I think this website is interesting for a person who needs to travel a lot. It is very convenient as you dont need to worry about laptop, virus, USB. You can put all your files, photos, downloaded programs in it and you can use it everywhere that you can access internet.
http://www.desktop-to-go.com/
http://www.bestdealvps.com/
http://www.ipoddesktop.com/
My life now is going a bit crazy. I cant read all my papers as planned. Also there is no good idea coming up.
Some problems disturb me sometime, but I will try to get over it. Otw, I cant study and that is too bad for me.
I think i will try to get things done soon.
Best wishes
Kai
Saturday, March 14, 2009
Congratulations for Dr.Malika
Hi
Yesterday I got a chance to attend the public defend and graduation ceremony of a Ph.D.student at the uni. It was interesting to join (though I was late and didnt have a chance to listen to the public defend).
This student somehow inspires me to study harder as my friend told me that she has studied very hard (never go travelling to anywhere) and can finish her thesis within 4 years, which doesnt happen very often here. It is also interesting for me - how she can manage her life as she also got a family (2 children) that she has to look after and worried about (I dont know if they are here all the time or not-but both choices are not easy at all).
From my experience, its not easy to deal with all those things together - study, family and friends esp. when you have a problem with one of these and esp if you are very sensitive and emotional. A little thing can be a big thing and can disturb a mind and concentration a lot. When I have this kind of problem, I dont know how to deal with it....just cry and wait until its gone by itself. Sometime I think that its a good chance for the mindfulness practice, but I am not quite sure if this is the right time esp if I have to study very hard like this.
It would be good if I can switch on/switch off the perception of my mind so that I can choose what to think/not to think or what to feel/not to feel or what to know/not to know. Life would become more happy, though too much like machine.
Hope you have a nice weekend
Yesterday I got a chance to attend the public defend and graduation ceremony of a Ph.D.student at the uni. It was interesting to join (though I was late and didnt have a chance to listen to the public defend).
This student somehow inspires me to study harder as my friend told me that she has studied very hard (never go travelling to anywhere) and can finish her thesis within 4 years, which doesnt happen very often here. It is also interesting for me - how she can manage her life as she also got a family (2 children) that she has to look after and worried about (I dont know if they are here all the time or not-but both choices are not easy at all).
From my experience, its not easy to deal with all those things together - study, family and friends esp. when you have a problem with one of these and esp if you are very sensitive and emotional. A little thing can be a big thing and can disturb a mind and concentration a lot. When I have this kind of problem, I dont know how to deal with it....just cry and wait until its gone by itself. Sometime I think that its a good chance for the mindfulness practice, but I am not quite sure if this is the right time esp if I have to study very hard like this.
It would be good if I can switch on/switch off the perception of my mind so that I can choose what to think/not to think or what to feel/not to feel or what to know/not to know. Life would become more happy, though too much like machine.
Hope you have a nice weekend
Thursday, March 05, 2009
The compassionate teacher
HelloSorry (for who - I dont know) that I havent written for a month. I have been very busy for most of the time since the class started. Studying Ph.D. is not easy if you have 16 hrs classes a week. This doesnt include time I need to read for all papers for every class (I dont spend much time on that anyway) and for my thesis.
What makes a student life easy depends on a lot of things - study environment, friends, a partner, supervisor(s) and last but not least - your attitude toward study and your effort you put in it.
I dont want to put every point here as I got no time. What I wanna mention now is my supervisors- Professor.Bert Helmsing and Associate Processor Peter Knorringa, who are very knowlegeable in my topic and very kind to me.
You might say that its their responsibility to support me and tell me what to do. I agree with that. But what I receive from them esp Peter Knorringa is a real help, which I call 'compassion' that a teacher has for his students. In January, he lent me 14 papaers without hesitation that I might not return (I will be here for 4 years anyway). Today he allowed me to look for materials, that might be useful for my paper in his office. I got 10 papers today and I can return them next week. I really appreciate him and I promise him that I will help him organize his folders in the future - when I have more time hopefully. Without his help, I would have spend a lot more time on searching randomly, which might end up with nothing or with some useless papers (as always happen!). If you never do the research, you will never know how much time needed to be spent for searching for information (NOT INCLUDED READING). I think the time I have spent on this is more that the time I have talked with my family and my friends.
I am very happy that I always meet good lecturers and especially supervisors since I studied Master Degree (both at Thammasart University amd Flinders University). This encourages and inspires me to be a good lecturer in the future. They are the role model of my future career.
Thanks for Peter
Best wishes for everyone
Friday, January 30, 2009
My life at ISS
Hello
I intend to write something about my study at ISS. But I am very busy and tired. I dont think I can do it at the moment. I will write about it soon. Its very interesting institution.
Everything is very ok in my life.....read, study, sleep, eat, etc....whatever a human needs, I do it. Life can be both simple and happy at the same time. I dont have much money. I dont do very much shopping (as I am busy and poor). I eat very normal food (rice, vegie and instant noodle). I spend most of my time on studying in my room and at the university (whenever there is a class). I have a few friends here. I also meet Robert only on a weekend. But I am still pretty happy (or I am still very pretty and feel happy about that). Happiness is everywhere around me.
I feel very peaceful here, though I am worried about my study sometime. I think the peace is from the mindfulness - that I dont stay with my thoughts (that are always pessimistic and disturb myself) too much. Also I have a very quiet life - very low contact with other people. AT first I was a bit lonely, but now I love it a lot. Since I have gone to the class, i know and meet more people, but the amount of conversation and social life is still very low, compared with the number of people I have met. My opinion is - the lower contact with people I have, the more peaceful I feel. I dont think this is good for everyone. But I really like my life now.
I wish everyone will be peaceful and mindful like me. Life is good, easy and happy.
Best wishes
I intend to write something about my study at ISS. But I am very busy and tired. I dont think I can do it at the moment. I will write about it soon. Its very interesting institution.
Everything is very ok in my life.....read, study, sleep, eat, etc....whatever a human needs, I do it. Life can be both simple and happy at the same time. I dont have much money. I dont do very much shopping (as I am busy and poor). I eat very normal food (rice, vegie and instant noodle). I spend most of my time on studying in my room and at the university (whenever there is a class). I have a few friends here. I also meet Robert only on a weekend. But I am still pretty happy (or I am still very pretty and feel happy about that). Happiness is everywhere around me.
I feel very peaceful here, though I am worried about my study sometime. I think the peace is from the mindfulness - that I dont stay with my thoughts (that are always pessimistic and disturb myself) too much. Also I have a very quiet life - very low contact with other people. AT first I was a bit lonely, but now I love it a lot. Since I have gone to the class, i know and meet more people, but the amount of conversation and social life is still very low, compared with the number of people I have met. My opinion is - the lower contact with people I have, the more peaceful I feel. I dont think this is good for everyone. But I really like my life now.
I wish everyone will be peaceful and mindful like me. Life is good, easy and happy.
Best wishes
Wednesday, January 07, 2009
My new year retreat
Hello
During the long weekend here (since 20th Dec 08 - 4th Jan 09), apart from travelling around to the other cities (Antwerben, Groningen and Zwolle- my second home), I and Robert decided to do the meditation retreat at my home (Den Haag) by ourselves. The reasons are that, fitst of all, the cost of retreat here is incredibly expensive. Second, we can plan for our schedule. I and Robert are pretty advanved (in my opinion) in meditation. We do not really need to follow the strict plan. Something might be able to be adjusted, if necessary. The other reason is we do not need to travel to the other place so that we can save a lot of time and money. Also we can do some study on the other days.
What we did was we observed the 8 precepts, we drew the rough schedule - walking and sitting meditation for 20, 25 and 30 minutes in each period. It was not fully strict like in a temple as we got up a bit late (around 7.30 am) and we still talked with each other.
What happened was pretty ok in my opinion. We could follow the rountine most of the time (except the afternoon of the second day that we were a bit tired and lazy). We didnt have any dinner though we were hungry. The hardest precept is the third one - to avoid any sexual activity. This includes not to touch the opposite sex. I dont need to explain this in detail, but anyone who has a partner around should understand this very well. However, we could pass through all those difficulties.
I dont know what Robert thinks about this, but for me, I really like this homemade retreat. It's a lot different from staying in the temple, that is full of rules and disciplines which can more easily control your body than at home. This means we need to control ourselves, both body and mind. Meditation and mindfulness allowed me to see my feeling, desires, emotion and thoughts a lot more clearly than before.
However, our journey on this noble path is still very long. To start, though with some difficulties is better than never. But rountine practice and mindfulness in everyday life are still important and necessary. I think I still have to improve and practice a lot for this, but I (and Robert) will try our best for this.
May peace be with you all
During the long weekend here (since 20th Dec 08 - 4th Jan 09), apart from travelling around to the other cities (Antwerben, Groningen and Zwolle- my second home), I and Robert decided to do the meditation retreat at my home (Den Haag) by ourselves. The reasons are that, fitst of all, the cost of retreat here is incredibly expensive. Second, we can plan for our schedule. I and Robert are pretty advanved (in my opinion) in meditation. We do not really need to follow the strict plan. Something might be able to be adjusted, if necessary. The other reason is we do not need to travel to the other place so that we can save a lot of time and money. Also we can do some study on the other days.
What we did was we observed the 8 precepts, we drew the rough schedule - walking and sitting meditation for 20, 25 and 30 minutes in each period. It was not fully strict like in a temple as we got up a bit late (around 7.30 am) and we still talked with each other.
What happened was pretty ok in my opinion. We could follow the rountine most of the time (except the afternoon of the second day that we were a bit tired and lazy). We didnt have any dinner though we were hungry. The hardest precept is the third one - to avoid any sexual activity. This includes not to touch the opposite sex. I dont need to explain this in detail, but anyone who has a partner around should understand this very well. However, we could pass through all those difficulties.
I dont know what Robert thinks about this, but for me, I really like this homemade retreat. It's a lot different from staying in the temple, that is full of rules and disciplines which can more easily control your body than at home. This means we need to control ourselves, both body and mind. Meditation and mindfulness allowed me to see my feeling, desires, emotion and thoughts a lot more clearly than before.
However, our journey on this noble path is still very long. To start, though with some difficulties is better than never. But rountine practice and mindfulness in everyday life are still important and necessary. I think I still have to improve and practice a lot for this, but I (and Robert) will try our best for this.
May peace be with you all
Sunday, January 04, 2009
A computer
These days, if there is someone asks me 'what do you want to be in the future?' My answer is if I dont have to go back to be a lecturer as I have a contract with the uninersity, I think I want to be a computer.
There are a few reason for this. First of all, I will get a plenty of attention from a lot of people esp. from the person I love.
Second, it needs only little care and concern. There is no need for food, cloths, medicine and love. As long as you dont pour water on it, dont open it when its raining, scan virus and clean sometime, it will last for several years. Its cost is pretty low compared with being a human.
Last but not least, , a computer does not have a feeling and emotion so that it will never be suffering by any kind of thought. It could be harmful by a wrong use, accident and virus (me too actually). But that is occasional. I think people love it enough and will never hurt it intentionally.
From what described above, I think I want to be a computer (LINUX, probably)
There are a few reason for this. First of all, I will get a plenty of attention from a lot of people esp. from the person I love.
Second, it needs only little care and concern. There is no need for food, cloths, medicine and love. As long as you dont pour water on it, dont open it when its raining, scan virus and clean sometime, it will last for several years. Its cost is pretty low compared with being a human.
Last but not least, , a computer does not have a feeling and emotion so that it will never be suffering by any kind of thought. It could be harmful by a wrong use, accident and virus (me too actually). But that is occasional. I think people love it enough and will never hurt it intentionally.
From what described above, I think I want to be a computer (LINUX, probably)
SOurce of the photo: http://www.shutterstock.com/
Friday, January 02, 2009
New Year at Scheveningen, the Hague
Happy New Year to everyone....
This new Year I am not at home, but the Hague, the Netherlands. I didn't have any celebration. Most of the time during this long weekend (continue from Christmas), I was at home (my home and Robert' home) with Robert. We did 2 days meditation retreat (I will talk about this later) and studied.
During the quiet long weekend, I think Dutch people must get bored with their lives and then decide to do something to enjoy themselves. In the cold morning of the 1st January, a lot of people (more than thousand) went to the beach (called Scheveningen). At 12.00 they ran to the sea (in the water) at the temperature around -3 C.
I dont really understand why they do like that. It was so cold even I already wear 4 layers. Anyway, it was so funny to see people dancing, jumping (to get the body warm) and running back and forth (between the beach and the sea). You can see from the video.
I hope everyone have a good time in the new year.
Best Wishes
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year
Hello
Today is the 24th December and tomorrow will be the Christmas Day. If I was still in Thailand, this will be a very common day for me - go to work and no celebration. But it's a big day in the Netherlands. People go to visit their family and celebate. It's a chance for them to be together. I guest that it's like 'Song Kran Day' of Thailand or 'the Chinese New Year' for Chinese.
I am now in Zwolle at a home of Robert. I spend most of my time on reading. I went out to the train station to change the money, but I still cant go to the other places. The reason is that I cant remember a road here. I would bring a map with me next time.
SOmetime life is good. Sometime it's boring. SOmetime it is suffering and full of thoughts leading a lot of unhappiness. It's life anyway. I am always wondering how would life be if I am a nun in the forest. Or if I am still at home. Or if I go to study at the other country. I guess that my life will be different (more or less) but it must always be full of the worldly emotion and feeling.
Next year my life will be in pattern til the end of the year - love,eat, sleep, study, travel around. I hope that it will be full of peace and happiness. I really love them.
May peace always be with all of you too....
Today is the 24th December and tomorrow will be the Christmas Day. If I was still in Thailand, this will be a very common day for me - go to work and no celebration. But it's a big day in the Netherlands. People go to visit their family and celebate. It's a chance for them to be together. I guest that it's like 'Song Kran Day' of Thailand or 'the Chinese New Year' for Chinese.
I am now in Zwolle at a home of Robert. I spend most of my time on reading. I went out to the train station to change the money, but I still cant go to the other places. The reason is that I cant remember a road here. I would bring a map with me next time.
SOmetime life is good. Sometime it's boring. SOmetime it is suffering and full of thoughts leading a lot of unhappiness. It's life anyway. I am always wondering how would life be if I am a nun in the forest. Or if I am still at home. Or if I go to study at the other country. I guess that my life will be different (more or less) but it must always be full of the worldly emotion and feeling.
Next year my life will be in pattern til the end of the year - love,eat, sleep, study, travel around. I hope that it will be full of peace and happiness. I really love them.
May peace always be with all of you too....
Thursday, December 11, 2008
Loneliness (2)
I really like this picture. Sometime I feel the same esp. during these days. Most of the time I sit in my room - reading books, checking email and news from Thailand, chatting. I go out sometime but not very often as I dont know very much the places here. I know only a few people - and they are not close enough that I can talk or go out with them. Actually I dont have any friend. Students here just study in their rooms and office. There are some academic activities at the uni - but again, they just come to discuss about something and then go back. The social life is very low. I really feel lonely now....
My close friend told me that it's not easy to be aboard and study. I have to be strong to deal with it. I now realize how it's like esp if you also got some other problem that is not easy to deal with and that distracts you from your study.
I try to remind myself to study hard and try to concentrate on that. But it's not easy as I want it to be. My emotion and mental state are not ready for that......
I miss my family, my sister and my friends at home.
Source of the picture: http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://i37.photobucket.com/albums/e58/lvlaTr1X/lonely-blog.jpg&imgrefurl=http://nimmoe.web-log.nl/mijn_weblog/2008/11/post.html&h=449&w=606&sz=77&tbnid=Sn1x8QkDB7cJ::&tbnh=101&tbnw=136&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dlonely%2Bphoto&usg=__S7zqisCZhbRLyY8R7U34EnZKEw4=&sa=X&oi=image_result&resnum=3&ct=image&cd=1
Tuesday, December 09, 2008
Uncertainty
Sometime I am not quite sure if what I have done is right or wrong. It would be good if we can tell in advance what gonna happen in the future. Then we will be on the right track.
Anyway, if everything is forseen or predictable, it wouldnt be 'life'. Or if it's life, it would not be real as it lacks of excitement or interest. But I am thinking if I really need that or not.
Loung Por Cha always said that 'everything is uncertain'. I always remind myself about this- no matter how happy or unhappy I am. But it seems I never really realize it when I am very satisfied with life. The realization just comes with some kind of unsatisfaction.
I hope that in the future I will realize this 'truth' by 'mind', NOT 'thought' as any kind of thought never helps when the real suffering comes. If it could help, it's just a while.....very short time. Then all the suffering just takes over my heart again.
Anyway, if everything is forseen or predictable, it wouldnt be 'life'. Or if it's life, it would not be real as it lacks of excitement or interest. But I am thinking if I really need that or not.
Loung Por Cha always said that 'everything is uncertain'. I always remind myself about this- no matter how happy or unhappy I am. But it seems I never really realize it when I am very satisfied with life. The realization just comes with some kind of unsatisfaction.
I hope that in the future I will realize this 'truth' by 'mind', NOT 'thought' as any kind of thought never helps when the real suffering comes. If it could help, it's just a while.....very short time. Then all the suffering just takes over my heart again.
Friday, December 05, 2008
Long Live the King
Today (5th December) is the birthday of King Bhumipoladulyadej, the Thai king. He is 81 in this year. It is a public holiday in Thailand. But here, the Hague, is just a normal day. But the Thai Embassy in the Netherlands (also located in the Hague) arranged the activity for Thai people who live in the Netherland to bless for the king. We lighted the candle and sang 2 national anthem songs devoted particularly for the king and the queen.
The king has done a lot for the country. There would be a lot more trouble if the king wasnt there. A lot of poor people esp in the local area have been helped and developed by the Royal's project. I think you can find this information everywhere in Thailand.
The other good thing of being there today is it's a great chance to meet other Thai people/students living/studying here. I am not very close to anyone (as usual). But I met some friends that I havent met for a year. I feel like it's very enjoyable to meet and talk to other people esp when I am aboard, though I dont know them very much. It's also a big fun to see the way they talk and play with each other - very Thai...hahaha I dont know how to explain but we can tell that by ourselves.
I wish the king is getting better from his sick. When I do the chanting tonight, I will make a wish for him.
Long Live The King
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
My life in the Hague.....the beginning of the journey
Hello
Today is the 12th day I have been in the Hague, the Netherlands. Everything has been settling down - the accomodation, money and bank account (almost done), long stay visa (almost done), transportation (still need to learn a lot), food (still got some problems esp where to buy cheap food and how to get there) and the most important one - study.
My university (Institute of Social Studies - www.iss.nl) is located near the town center. So it is easy to walk to some places like the palace (WOW!), the government house (which is not yet occupied by any protestor...hahaha), the train station, the China town (for food) and some shopping centers (for the window shopping). I am happy with this, though it tires me from walking around with a strong desire not to pay for the bus or tram.
The weather here is not very good for a girl from a humid zone like me. The temperature now is around 0-9 degree with some snow, wind and rain. I need to wear at least 3 layers with hand gloves and fur hat (if I wanna go out at the night time). I saw some snow in China in 2004. This is the second time. I think its more beautiful here as the buildings are nicer (I am sorry for the Chinese - but it's true!).
My study is now starting. I has been assigned to write the direction about my paper. At first I am a bit worried. But I feel better now as I got a lot of useful information in my hand. I just hope I will have time to read all of them. I have found that my concentration is less than before as I havent done a lot of readings like this for a long time (since 2005 I think). I hope I will gain all my study skills very soon.
I also start meditating and chanting again. It's getting better after doing it more often. It helps me a lot esp. for the study and for dealing with some mental diffilculties. It offers me a chance to see what is happening in my mind - feelings and emotions which are very impermanent and non-self. They come and go all the time. The more I see them, the less serious I am with them and the happier I am.
This is the brief detail of my life in the new place. Thanks a lot for all the carings and concerns of everyone around me (I dont think most of them will read this!). I will never forget the purpose of coming here - to study and go back home to do stg for my poor country.
May peace be with you
Today is the 12th day I have been in the Hague, the Netherlands. Everything has been settling down - the accomodation, money and bank account (almost done), long stay visa (almost done), transportation (still need to learn a lot), food (still got some problems esp where to buy cheap food and how to get there) and the most important one - study.
My university (Institute of Social Studies - www.iss.nl) is located near the town center. So it is easy to walk to some places like the palace (WOW!), the government house (which is not yet occupied by any protestor...hahaha), the train station, the China town (for food) and some shopping centers (for the window shopping). I am happy with this, though it tires me from walking around with a strong desire not to pay for the bus or tram.
The weather here is not very good for a girl from a humid zone like me. The temperature now is around 0-9 degree with some snow, wind and rain. I need to wear at least 3 layers with hand gloves and fur hat (if I wanna go out at the night time). I saw some snow in China in 2004. This is the second time. I think its more beautiful here as the buildings are nicer (I am sorry for the Chinese - but it's true!).
My study is now starting. I has been assigned to write the direction about my paper. At first I am a bit worried. But I feel better now as I got a lot of useful information in my hand. I just hope I will have time to read all of them. I have found that my concentration is less than before as I havent done a lot of readings like this for a long time (since 2005 I think). I hope I will gain all my study skills very soon.
I also start meditating and chanting again. It's getting better after doing it more often. It helps me a lot esp. for the study and for dealing with some mental diffilculties. It offers me a chance to see what is happening in my mind - feelings and emotions which are very impermanent and non-self. They come and go all the time. The more I see them, the less serious I am with them and the happier I am.
This is the brief detail of my life in the new place. Thanks a lot for all the carings and concerns of everyone around me (I dont think most of them will read this!). I will never forget the purpose of coming here - to study and go back home to do stg for my poor country.
May peace be with you
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