Saturday, November 13, 2010

Autumn in Holland

Hi everyone

Sorry again that I haven't written anything during these 4 months. My main excuse is I am very busy with my study. I have finished the first phase of my fieldwork and come back to Holland since September. It is not a good time for the weather because it is getting colder.

However, things go well with my study as I have made some progress, for example, I have created possible typologies from information from the fieldwork. Now it is getting more serious since I need to develop research tool such as questionnaires and questions for interview. I also have to have very systematic approach to select cases/samples. This work will come very soon.

In relation to religion, I am a bit less in most things since I have been back. I don't meditate very often like the past because I do not feel like doing it. This makes a big impact on my mindfulness as it is obviously less due to low ability of mind to be mindful. I still chant everyday, but it's not enough to calm down the mind. Overall, religious activities have little priority at the moment.

Sometime I think that it is ok because life here is very stable....just study, eat, sleep and meet people a bit. There is nothing challenging the mind, mindfulness or insight. However, it is not always like that. I feel like when I am not religiously ready for the suffering, I tend to be more suffering than it should be due to the bad thoughts and crazy emotion added in the problem. When this happens, it is very difficult to be mindful of it. It is impossible to watch it on time and let it go - cannot even see the emotion that comes and goes.

I really think I need to meditate more.....but do not know whether I will be successful with this.

Best wishes for everyone

Kai, the mindfulless girl