Freeing fish

Last Monday (28 th Jan) evening, my sister asked me to go to a fresh market to buy some fish and free them. It's the meritorious activity as we safe their lives from being killed.

We got to the market in the evening - and we went directly to a fish shop. There are a lot of fish there. At first, I intended to buy only 2 eels as it's cheap (10B for one eel). But there are so many kinds of fish at the shop ie snakehead fish (my favorite food), eel, catfish and a plenty of pond snail. They were very ready to be killed as a seller put some of them on a tray (without water). If someone wants it, they just tell the seller to kill and take that death fish bank home to cook. Some might buy alive fish and take it to kill at home at the taste is better.

When I was young, I came to this shop with my dad quite often and I didt feel very bad about the fish's death. But it was different in this time. I look at their eyes and I really felt sorry for them - just imagine that you are waiting to be killed. I am not quite sure if fish can sense or feel scarred or not. But finally, instead of buying 2 eels to free, I bought 6 catfish, 2 eels, 2 snakehead fish and a kilo of pond snail. I and my sister went to a river bank and freed all of them. The feeling arising at that time was the happiness to safe their lives. I saw some of them swiming to breathe on water surface happily - imagine again that you are freed to be bank home.

My friend said that the more fish we buy, the more the seller or a fisherman catch them. So we shouldnt buy them. I agree at some stage. However, if I dont buy them, other will buy and fish will be killed. But if I buy some of them and free their lives, that will prolong their lives a bit esp. if they are female fish, I can safe a plent of lives.

I talked with my sister that 'if we let them die, it would be better for them as they will be reborn quicker'. But she argued that are you sure that they will never come back to be animal or even born in the worse place ie in the hell or be a hungry ghost, as at the moment they die, they are very painful and they must be angry and scarred. I agree with her.

The other point is, according to Tipitaka, to make merit with animals will have 100 times less merit than an unmoral man. To make marit with unmoral man will have 100 times less merit than a moral man - it is life this from a moral man, a normal monk with low discoplines, a monk with high disciplines, Sodapana, Sakadakami, Anakami, Arahant and Sanghadana (merit to a monk community). This means if you want to get high merit with certain amount of money, you should pay more for monks rather than general people or even animal. This is a good practice for me - as I know this quite well, I shouldnt free fish like this as it doesnt give me high merit. But it practices me to sacrifice my selfishness and do not think very much about the merit I will get. It happens sometime that we make a merit with greed that we will get this and that in return. This is an unwholesome mind as it's Lobha. But freeing fish and safe animals' lives practice me to give without expecting to get something back - as only a few merit will be acquired.

Though I am not as fish lover, but I am a fish freer...hihihi

Longer happiness can be gained from helping and giving. I still insist in this idea.

My hair style

I just have new hair style. It's more curly and colorful. I will show my photo soon.

I feel a bit funny with myself that I have tried to cultivate myself - I should not attach to the body very much as it is subject to chanhe all the time. I realize and understand that quite well as I see more wrinkles on my face. There is more grey hair and I get tired more easily than before.

But defilements is much enough to take me to the hairdress shop to do something with my hair. Even though hair is only one part of a body, but I look worse or better because of it. So it's better to do something with it as long as it is still on my head.

I got stg to talk, but no time. And when there is time, i already forgot what to say. That's why I dont post very much. My brain time and my free time are not very consistent.

Have a peaceful mind

My new year

It's quite a quiet new yaer for me. I got 4 holidays for this celebration. One and half day was spent on the retreat which was great. One day was for cleaning my house. Half day was to visit my relatives. The last day was for writing my proposal and my translating work.

I feel quite peaceful at home though I didnt go out to have a big celebration anywhere or even to entertain myself as the new year is concidently 'Wan Pra'. So I have to observe eight precepts (I watched a movie a bit at home and I felt not very good after I broke my rules). I also enjoy sending and receiving New Year sms from my friends.

Another thing that made me feel good is I spent 'the count down time' in the shrine room at home. I chanted with my youngest sister. We do like this every year if we dont go out to other place. I always think that the new year is actually the conventional truth - as human need to set it for the convinence of life. But it's still great that we do something good on the first minute of this conventional truth.

I also got a chance to count down with my lovely close friend. He is in Australia where has three and half hours earlier than Thailand. So talking with him did not disturb my chanting time. I got a chance to say 'Happy New Year' to him at midnight time of Australia. We also sang 'Auld Lang Syne' together. It's was quite nice that we got this chance. I told him that I hope we will have another chance to do this in the next new year.

My wish for the coming year, apart from wishing everyone to be peaceful, is I hope that I can cultivate my meditation a lot more. I also want to be more aware of my restless thought arising almost every minute. I have found that mind never stops working even when we are slepping. It comes in a kind of dream. If I can be more mindful of the thought, some kind of sufferings such as loneliness, anxiety will be noticed and withdrawn from my mind more easily.

Another wish that always arises in my mind is I hope to get a chance to contact my 'Loung Nong' again. I want to talk and share my Dhamma experiences with him. i also want to say 'Thank you' to him for many reasons. But it's quite impossible -it's ok anyway. Just let it go : )

Another wish (I am quite greedy) is I hope I can continue the friendship with my new friends I met at Wat Pa - Robert, Khema and Shu shuan. i am very glad to meet them and other people there. We are now walking on the same path, but by different roads as everyone got their own lives- probably old Kamma that will lead us to different ways of lives. I wish that they will be able to fulfill their dreams - which is very similar to me.

Happy New Year to everyone