Friday, November 23, 2007


This kind of feeling has happened with me sometime, though it is much less than before and though I have a lot of people around.

I have listened to a lot of Dhamma talks particularly of Ven.Jayasaro, Ven.Ajahn Brahm and Ven.Pramote. All of then said the same thing that when you are mindful with the prfesent and content with yourself, you will never feel lonely, though you are alone. I agree with them most of the time. But sometime I feel so tired of the life journey. There are so many things I have to do: work from office, from the uni, for the future study, for the charity and most importantly for money. I try to be mindful of the present and be disciplined for all the work I have planned to do. But it seems it's even bring much more tenseness as I can't finish it as I intend.

However, the good point about being mindful, though i am still lonely is, I can see the rising and falling of that feeling. It's so terrible at first, i realize. The world is so empty and boring. But for a while, the feeling has changed according to a new mental object. I can see that our mind works and thinks all the time. We can never control that as it is non-self (Anatta). It can never stay very long as it is impermanent (Anicca). When I see and realize this, I feel like I shouldn't take this kind of feeling seriously as it's not real and it's not mine. I just follow and check how do I feel each moment. And finally, what is called 'loneliness' is only something that comes to say 'hello' to me sometime when there are causes, and then it's gone when those causes are not there.

I am now mindful and peaceful again. The loneliness might come back anytime as it's one kind of feeling (Vedana). However, I think it wont disturb me very much as long as my mindfulness is still with me.

Though the life journey is still very long and I still don't know what I gonna meet in the future, but I am sure that I can pass through it.

Hope all of you are always peaceful and happy with every moment in a daily life.

Friday, November 16, 2007

My happy hour

This day I am quite busy (actually I am always busy from a lot of things). The silly thing is the time I promiss someone to do somethinng is the time (I THINK) that I am free enough. But things always change, including my schedule. I have a lot of unexpected work coming around. Consequently i can't manage to finish any work on time.
Anyway it's not what i want to complain today. Life is always like this. And I get used to this kind of life already. So - No worries. I am just tired sometime. That's all.
My schedule in this time is I do the Buddhist translation at the lunch time and do my reading (both English grammar and thesis) at night. I just started the translation work yesterday. It's the meditation book and Dhamma teachings written by the meditation master (Ajahn Narongsak Natneum). The translating version will be given to foreigners who come to ask for his advices.
I have found that it's quite hard to translate this kind of book as it's from the talk. The speaking language is much different from writting language. (I just understand 'Loung Nong' more when I have to do this). I have to understand what he said first and then adjust it. I can't translate it literally as no one will understand that. Overall i spent an hour to translate 2 pages.
However, the feeling of doing this work is quite different from other time and other work (that I get bored and tired). I observed that I had been happy all the time I did it. The happiness had continued until the evening. And everytime I think about this work and what I gonna do next, I am still very happy. The happiness is always at heart. My sister calls it "Piti' or the joy at heart.
What I intend to say is happiness from doing something good is more pleasant, last longer and more heart-fulfilled than the worldly happiness. I already forget how did I feel when I passed the test, when I get the scholarship or when someone said that I am pretty (it happens sometime! :P). But the happiness from giving, helping, meditating can be realized and felt everytime I think of it.
This time i am waiting for my lunch hour as it's my happy time to do the translating work and enjoy my happiness from giving Dhamma knowledge. I realize that happiness is very impermanent, but enjoying it sometime is not too bad as we still have to live a busy lay's life like this.
Hope you are happy both from Dhamma and worldly things.
Best wishes

Thursday, November 08, 2007

I like this poem.

Hi there
> This poem was nominated by UN as the best > poem of 2006, Written by an African Kid.
When I born, I black
When I grow up, I black
When I go in Sun, I black
When I scared, I black
When I sick, I black
And when I die, I still black
> > And you white fellow
> > When you born, you pink
> > When you grow up, you white
> > When you go in sun, you red
> > When you cold, you blue
> > When you scared, you yellow
> > When you sick, you green
> > And when you die, you grey
> > And you calling me colored??

I got this poem from the mail forwarded to me. I like it a lot as it's very true.
It seems people, not only Thai always look for things to look down on. I can't say that I never do it. But the older I am, the broader my view is, so the less I look down on other people. I always think that why do people like to look down on others or look for other people's faults or mistake? I have found that the answer of this question is it's because of our 'Atta' or the feeling that of 'i' or 'me'. WHy is that? When this thought exists simautaneously with some defilements and cravings, the kind of thought that 'I am better' will normally follow. Something that is 'better' needs to have measurement. And the worldly meansurements are 'success', 'wealth', 'education', 'love'. But sometime waiting for the success and all these things to say that 'I am better' might take a long time as there are always other people better than us. There is no certain point actually. Therefore, the shortcut is to say or look for the weakness of others to say that 'I am better' (as you are worse).

In my opinion, this kind of thought will always bring suffering both mental and physical. You can never be happy with yourself as you compare yourself with others all the time. You tie your happiness and value with other people who are very impermanent and subject to change. How can stable peace and happiness arise in this kind of mind?

Hope you are content with what you have and who you are. Happiness depends on the way we look at the world.