Thursday, May 13, 2010

My changes


Since I have been back, I have noticed that there are a few changes about me. The first change is I like to stay at home more then the past. Even though it's quite hot at home, but I still prefer to sit in front of the computer, do my study, watch TV (very rare) and clean the house. I think I receive this habit from the way I lived my life in Holland - just study at home and don't go out. The other reason is I am still a bit tired and have less desire ti buy stuffs.

The other interesting change is I tend to have less beliefs in spiritual stuffs. Certainly, I receive this thought from Robert and the way I live my life in Holland. Dutch people rely their lives on the system (working, educating and government system) and effort. If both work well, there is no need to pray and make a wish from any god or spirit. You do your work wisely and make an effort, then it's not too difficult to get things done. It also happens with my study. I just have to work hard to finish my paper. No one plays bigger roles than my effort. However, in Thailand, since welfare system still does not support everyone equally, since the poor is still everywhere and since the promotion relies more on the connection (with biggg people) rather than the real performance, invisible stuffs such as spirit tend to be more significant because it's the only a few hope people have when there is nothing much left for them.

I still make a wish when I go to a temple. Most of my wishes are about having more opportunity to make merit and to do something good together with Robert. i also make a wish for my study. But I still need to work hard for it.

Change is also impermanent. I might change to be the same kind as before or might change to be the other person. We never know. What is more important is to realize all those changes, understand it and make the good use of it.

Best wishes for everyone

Sunday, May 09, 2010

Hello Bangkok


Now I am in Bangkok. I have been back for a few days already (since 5th May). I am quite happy with this trip because I can progress my study. I cant do anything in the Netherlands anymore.

The first impression since I have been back is most things are still the same: my family, neighbors, friends. Nothing has obviously changed. (That's why we do not really recognize this truth so well). The second impression is the hot weather. I think I should get used to it, but I realize that in the past, most of the time I was in the cool office. Therefore, it didn't matter how the weather was. But now I am at home or go out. Most of the time is without air-con. Its just so so hot.

I have not meditated since I have been back. I am too tired for that. I think I will start soon. However, I always notice what happen in my mind- it's up and down all the time due to a matter in each period of time. It is interesting to see how the mind work when coordinating with thoughts, emotion and feeling. I have discovered since I was in Holland that nothing is real esp. all the mental phenomena. It happens cos there are some factors. When those factors are gone, relevant feeling and emotions are gone as well.

I hope that I will have a chance to learn this more and more and become less attached with most things. Less suffering is expected.

Best wishes