Offering at Kalasin

Hello

At the moment, I am now in Kalasin, the Northeast of Thailand for the fieldwork. I have finished exploring the case since yesterday and today and I just relaxed and went to two temples. I know these temples by asking local people and a monk with thmain questions about 'good' temple and monks. Finally,I end up with forest temples (Wat Pa) with the purpose of meditating.

I have some interesting thoughts from the deed today. On the one hand, when I kept asking a monk at the firat place I went, the monk said that I can go to any temple I like because to make offering to a temple is a good thing to do. Good intention is already very nice. But he said did not make any impact on me as I went to the other temple that is regarded as 'good'. A monk at the second place also said something similar. Gradually this really makes me think about my intention to make merit. I start to think whether it is with 'Chandha' which is 'good willingness' or with 'Kilesa' or 'craving' to gain very high merit from good temples and good monks. Then I can see that it is the mixture of these two things because there is another thing I have noticed from myself.

On the other hand, after I offered, I tend to think all the time that monks who receive my stuffs will keep it for themselves or make it a public use because my intention of 'Sangkhadana' is for the public use. I dont want monks to keep it on his own. This kind of 'narrow minded thought' worried me for several times when offering because I kept thinking about it, worried and felt unhappy with the thought that monks must keep it for himself. Then I realize that this is silly because I intend to make a merit, but m mind is just full of craving and worrying. What is this for?

The master said that wholesome and unwholesome mind are very impermanent, nonself and suffering as other matters in the world. For me, wholesome mind can even result in unwholesome mind if you are not aware of the craving which is always in your mind and ready to work anytime.

I wanna share this with everyone.

Best wishes
Kai