Thursday, November 24, 2005
Why do I study Buddhism? (2)
I have talked about my interest in Buddhism in the last post. I will continue it in this one. The important point that really turned my life to study Buddhism is when I went to study at Australia. There are many events happening during these 2 years (so amazing...). Firstly, I got a chance to study Critical System Thinking which is the Subject about the interrelation of each idea in our thinking system. We can't think of just only 1-2 sides of it, but the whole. I stuied it in the aspect of Public Policy. When the government needs to have any policy, they need to think of all the stakeholders, not just 1-2 groups. And they need to solve a problem at the real point. Otherwise, more problems might be arose. When I studied this subject, I got a chance to do the paper-then I linked the Critical System Thinking with one way of Buddhist thinking : Yonisomanasikara. Surprisingly, both ideas are similar with each other. Buddhism which is the eastern idea is similar with Critacal System Think which is the Western Idea. The similarity is to think of the cause of a problem and to think of every aspect of the problem. Therefore, I really enjoyed studying Buddhism. I feel that it's very useful and applicable with the real life.
Secondly, as the part of my study, I need to do the research at the end of my first and second year. The first year, I have done the research about Buddhist Economics. The most important paper (the biggest one) , which is in the second year, is about the application of Buddhist Ethics (the Four Noble Truths) to the administration of the autonomous university (which is my workplace). I have found that the ethical idea of the Western is based on 'Force' or 'Fear'. It doesn't come from the internal feeling. But Buddhist ethics which is the moral come from our willingness. If everyone has their own moral in their minds (at least 5 precepts) , we don't need to have laws. The next idea is how can we build the moral society or stg that people always have ethics in their minds, or at least the principles in the organization. I mean I hope that more people will pay attention to this idea, rather than just want to do stg that more effectively or more efficiently.
The final point (which is the main point that turns me to the temple) is I have broken up with my boyfriend. As you know that I have the boyfriend when I was in Australia and we broke up just a few months before I finished my study. This event really makes me think and understand stg clearly esp. 'IMPERMANENCE' which is one of the three charactertics of Buddhism (Impermanence, Suffering and Selflessness). The first impermanence is the feeling of the human. At first, we might feel like we love someone so so much. But one day, when the factors of love have changed i.e. time, place and environment, that kind of feeling has been changed incredibly just within a few months. The second impermanence is my feeling. At that time, I was badly hurt. I have lost weight. I could not eat and sleep. I cried my tear most of the time. It is like the world is always grey. I asked myself all the time 'why why??' I also hoped that he would come back to love me again. (He didn't) But when the time passed, everything is better. I have noticed myself that - at the first month after separation, I cried almost everyday. The second month after, i cried once a week. The third month after, I cried only a few times. Fortunately, I have got so many things to do at that time and I have good friends, a good family and good teachers who always supported me at that time. When I came back, I was still sad and cried sometime. Anyway, gradually I have found that I feel better and better. One year has passed, I forgot to count anymore : how long have we separated and how long have we been together? During this time, it's almost 100% recovery. I won't cry anymore. Also, I used to feel very angry and hate him so much. But I don't feel anything now. I think he is just a normal person who, based on the nature of the world, can change his idea, mind and feeling as other people. I couldn't expect that he will never change or he will be more extraordinary than other people.
What I really intend to tell you in this post is everything in this world is so impermanent. Something is easy to see i.e. to get older, to be born and to die. But the internal side i.e. the feeling of love, hate, like and opinion for anything are also impermanent. When time passes, it just changes. One of my friends said that 'Time heals all wounds'. I just realize this from this event. If now you have some conflicts with people around you, you just notice your feeling and then be mindful with it. Try to realize what we are doing and what we are going to do.