Friday, November 23, 2007
This kind of feeling has happened with me sometime, though it is much less than before and though I have a lot of people around.
I have listened to a lot of Dhamma talks particularly of Ven.Jayasaro, Ven.Ajahn Brahm and Ven.Pramote. All of then said the same thing that when you are mindful with the prfesent and content with yourself, you will never feel lonely, though you are alone. I agree with them most of the time. But sometime I feel so tired of the life journey. There are so many things I have to do: work from office, from the uni, for the future study, for the charity and most importantly for money. I try to be mindful of the present and be disciplined for all the work I have planned to do. But it seems it's even bring much more tenseness as I can't finish it as I intend.
However, the good point about being mindful, though i am still lonely is, I can see the rising and falling of that feeling. It's so terrible at first, i realize. The world is so empty and boring. But for a while, the feeling has changed according to a new mental object. I can see that our mind works and thinks all the time. We can never control that as it is non-self (Anatta). It can never stay very long as it is impermanent (Anicca). When I see and realize this, I feel like I shouldn't take this kind of feeling seriously as it's not real and it's not mine. I just follow and check how do I feel each moment. And finally, what is called 'loneliness' is only something that comes to say 'hello' to me sometime when there are causes, and then it's gone when those causes are not there.
I am now mindful and peaceful again. The loneliness might come back anytime as it's one kind of feeling (Vedana). However, I think it wont disturb me very much as long as my mindfulness is still with me.
Though the life journey is still very long and I still don't know what I gonna meet in the future, but I am sure that I can pass through it.
Hope all of you are always peaceful and happy with every moment in a daily life.
Source of picture is http://www.pbase.com/mardoli/image/73288988