Saturday, April 26, 2008


Actually i intend to write about my retreat experience. But there was something shocked me - just in the last half an hour. I cant describe what happen as it's too private to be published. I am now trying to see how does my mind and my body response to it. I try not to control the mind as I always do as it hides the truth about the mind.

When I was shocked, my left hand will get numb. It shows me how the body and mind relate to each other. The more I feel, the more the numb is. Also, there will be some pain inside the body. Ajahn Brahm said that when it happens like this, it's better to relax the body first. The mind will then feel better.

My mind is now so heavy. It starts to think of this/that all the time. It tries to think - what should I do, how should I deal with it, what the situation will be in the future......When I notice, it stops, but it then comes back again.

Disappointment and unhappiness seem to happen all the time. There is no way to control the world or even the mind.

If I cant sleep tonight (I am pretty sure that I cant), i will do the walking meditation to see the working of my mind and the mental state. There must be a lot to see tonight.

Best wishes to you all

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