Thursday, July 05, 2007

How to have a better (love) relationship?

You might think that why do I raise this point? It's not about Buddhism. There are many kinds of love in this world - love friends, love parents, love animals, love partners or etc. However, love in Buddhism we always talk about is love and compassion that is best wishes we have for everyone - no matter who/what/how they are. We always wish them to be free from suffering and never expect to get any thing back from our love. But love in Lokiya level is quite different from love in Buddhism. When we love someone (esp. lover). We always expect their love in return. We always want them to appreciate our love more or less by some actions. This might lead to an argue or conflict as everyone has their own personality. It would be great if our lover/ a person we like love us back. But what happen if it's not.
I just listen to a Dhamma talk (again) and I have the idea for this. Some of you already know it - I am sure. V.Chayasaro said that if we have Metta for a person we love which means we will always wish them to be happy and love them without any condition esp. if you agree to be together. Conditions here might be money, some stuffs, concern, some kind of quality i.e. smart, appearance. In my opinion, it's quite hard as we fall in love with someone cos they have something/conditions/quality we like such as 'she is a good girl' or 'he is nice'. However, I think what V.Chayasaro means is try to use more Metta than only your Kilesa. Why? Whenever you start to bind your love with anything which is impermanent, this means if that thing/condition/quality has gone, you love will be gone too. We can see the example from a lot of couples that divorce because a man has a new one cos a lady is too fat or looks too old. The other reason is 'she doesn't love me anymore' or 'he has changed from the first time we met'.' But if we love them without conditions - love with Metta : always wish them to be happy and try to do anything that make them feel happy.

When you want your lover to be like what you want - ask yourself that you really love him/her or you just love yourself and what them to satisfy your desire.

1 comment:

วรชัย said...

เรามัวแต่ตามหาความรักจากคนอื่น..สิ่งอื่น...

โดยหารู้ไม่ว่า...

แท้จริงแล้ว...

ความรักอยู่ในห้อง(วิหาร)ในใจเราแห่งนี้นั่นเอง...

ถ้าแผ่ออกไปข้างนอก...และไม่กอบเข้ามาข้างใน...
ความรักก็จะไม่มีวันหมด...และไม่มีวันไม่ได้ดั่งใจ...

ขอแสดงความยินดีด้วยอีกครั้งหนึ่ง...มีโอกาสรบกวนชี้แนะด้วยนะ (^_^)